DEC 29 :: [the word 'spreads'] So Nicole and her posse (aka bevy of married chicks) has caught the dick bug. We had lunch this afternoon at Makoto (I'm oozing just thinking about how good their sushi is) and she couldn't stop telling me about how her girlfriends are all gushing over the fact that they've all only seen one dick in their entire lives (i.e. post-marriage) blah blah and that they HAVE to, absolutely HAVE to, go see more in SE as soon as possible. Up to the point of harassing Nicole about roping me into the whole sordid, seedy, tawdry dick affair. Such depraved souls. Anywho, this was overheard/read via SMS post-lunch:

Kiat:: Lunch was FAB!! Dick dancer tour of DC shall be arranged soon, I promise ;-)
Nicole:: Yay!!! I love dick!! LOL!!
Lunch was amazing, can't wait to go again!
Kiat:: If for nothing else, dick is why God made straight women and gay men best friends!
Nicole:: That and fashion!
Kiat:: And beauty tips!
Nicole:: And let us not forget decorating!
Kiat:: Oh this list is endless. But in the beginning, there was dick! LOL!
Nicole:: LOL!

No, nothing is sacred on 'memoirs of a gaysian' ;-)

So, of course Jason and I plot the next sojourn to dick nirvana (penirvana?)

Jason:: I have yet to meet a straight girl that is resistant to my charms
Kiat:: lol, how true
apparently she wants to bring her posse (all crazy str8 women) to the dick bars
and our attendance is mandatory
Jason:: straight girls and black men...it only takes one finger!
Jason:: WHEN
Kiat:: some time in March apparently
me thinks you'll be back by then
Jason:: Hot
Kiat:: you're back mid-March, right?
Jason:: yep
MARCH MADNESS
Kiat:: ROTFL
we're gonna sweep the elite 8 at Secrets, gawk at the Final 4 at Wet... and celebrate our Sweet 16 while we're at it!
Jason:: actually, I think the sweet 16" will be at WET
Kiat:: LOL
that must be the butchest IM coming from me. Ever.
Jason:: i know, right!
who are you?
and what have you done with my little yellow tail?

The next dick dancer tour of DC starts in 3 months! Get your tickets here, follow the lil' yellow tail, and come see it before it all gets levelled!

Hot. @ 16:37

DEC 28 :: [more random pix] Things are winding down here at the office. It's been a busy few days to say the least. I thought no one would be working this week (and the numbers in the cafeteria is proof of that) but apparently our group is on a rampage.

Anywho, more random pix from last Thursday - my first appearance at all-you-can-drink JR's in FIVE weeks!

Me and Brian, Chris' new squeeze
Planting a wet one on Gary!
Jason and Gary - what is up with the hats?? I mean, Jason's not bald.
The Fetch Trinity, not so drunk... yet
Tony, Jason and Rick... Hmm OK yea, Rick needs a hat, LOL!
The Fetch Trinity getting drunker, and drunker...
Finally! A picture with Matt, my fav oh-so-hot bartender!

And more pix from Christmas (Eve) in Kansas City...

They weren't kidding about the flamingos
Your head's too big!
The flamingo theme endures...
"Look what I got!" - Tony's mom and stepdad
Sarah, Tony's step-niece, proudly showing off her white elephant gift
Samuel, Tony's step-nephew, got the mother of all white elephant gifts
The silly hat is passed around
It takes many forms... a sombrero?
How about a crown?
Better yet, a Vietnamese-style conical hat
Tim & Lori - Tony's brother and sister-in-law
What's next?

I'm lethal with my camera phone :-D @ 16:24

[a $74 dinner] Last night, Tony and I decided to check out some furniture (we are replacing our bedroom and dining room sets) in Georgetown and since we were hungry after, we decided to grocery shop at Dean & Deluca. D&D is one of those places you *definitely* don't want to go to when you're hungry. Impulse buying there is deadly on your wallet. Trust.

We bought a whole bunch of stuff and took it home to cook (well, Tony cooked, I ate). Exhibit A:

$4.97 for 0.42lb of Chanterelles and Shiitakes
$12.75 for Soy Rice Vinegar
$7.48 for 4 slices each of Speck and Serrano Ham
$13.00 for 2 boxes of Cipriani Pasta
$8.00 for 1 pack of fresh Gnocchi
$20.16 for 1lb of Chilean Sea Bass
$8.00 for D&D Arrabiata Sauce
$74.36 Total

:-o Granted, we only used a portion of some of the stuff but really, I could've gone to a restaurant for less. But since Tony is a fabulous cook, it was a really yummy dinner.

To think I could've gone to Alberto's and stuffed myself silly for $3.75/slice; a HUGE slice at that. @ 15:56

[20 times] The Boxing Day shooting in the busy streets around Eaton Center (I've been there many times) of Toronto that killed a 15-yo girl and wounding 6 bystanders, has shocked Canadians in what has been a record year for gun-related deaths. Toronto has seen 78 murders this year, including a record 52 gun-related deaths - almost twice as many as last year.

78 homicides in a city of 4.6mn. Pardon the pun but DC would kill to have those numbers. As of yesterday, DC recorded 194 homicides in a city of 572,000 people. In case you don't have a calculator, that puts the homicide rate in DC at TWENTY times that of Toronto.

Canadians are outraged. But DC is "celebrating" coz our homicide levels are at its lowest level in 20 years. What are we celebrating? @ 09:44

[pyinmana, myanmar] This is très bizarre. On Nov 7th, Myanmar's military government (or junta... how do you even pronounce that?) began relocating to a 100 sq km complex in Pyinmana (population: 97,000), a remote forest-bound location about 200mi (320km) - or 12 hours - north of Yangon, the former capital and port city of 4.1mn.

Along with the move, civil servants have been forced to relocate as well. There is no government housing in Pyinmana, nor schools, hospitals, malls or hotels. Children are separated from their parents coz there are no schools in the new capital so they have to remain in Yangon. Electricity and water is scarce. Malaria is rampant. Embassies will not be built until 2007; I can almost hear the screams of dread from the ambassadors who are basically being asked to move from Chicago to Fargo.

And, of course, there's no dissent. The oppression is awful and stifling. Why does a country with some of the world's poorest people and can barely feed itself, uproot its entire government to a purpose-built capital in the remote reaches of the country? And isn't it cute that the WP article chose to use the pre-1989 "Rangoon, Burma" instead of the junta-named "Yangon, Myanmar"?

It's been 15 years since Aung San Suu Kyi was put under house arrest for winning the national elections by a landslide. Free her! *giggle* @ 09:33

DEC 27 :: [random travel] Dulles is tragic. It took us 2h 7m to retrieve our bags yesterday. Yes, you read that right. Our plane landed early, at the G gates *groan*. It took almost 30 minutes for us to walk through the freezing open-air cold of the terminal, onto a bus that then drove around West Virginia to get to the Main Terminal, and then walk endlessly through dank and stank hallways before arriving at baggage claim.

And then we just stood there and waited. And waited. And waited. The culprit? United has 4 baggage conveyors at Dulles, and only 2 were operational last night. You'd think that on one of the busiest travel days of the year, they could at least fix the damn thing expediently but noooooo... 1 of the 2 belts was piled so high with huge mounts of gifts-laden bags that it just broke down from the volume and weight of it all. It was a mad scene of people waiting one hour, then two for their bags. I was ready to bust a vein myself but decided that I wasn't in a hurry and had nowhere to go so I just waited it out. I know, so unbecoming of me.

So, you'd think that my ordeal last night would put me off travel for quite some time, right? Hah!

We're off to London for MLK day weekend - that's three weekends from now - to go see my friend who moved there from Sydney a year ago. We're flying United Business, of course. System-Wide Upgrades rock! We currently have ressies at Hakkasan and Gordon Ramsay so I'm pretty psyched. We also found rooms at the Hilton in Paddington for a dirt cheap price of 99 quid/nt! And that's including VAT!! I almost creamed myself when I snatched that reservation. Hot!

4 days after we get back from London, we fly off to KL for Chinese New Year (for the Year of the Dog! woohoo...). We're there for 10 days (well, only 7 once you count the two overnights in Singapore and the 2 days it takes to get there and back). I'll be getting a new machine-readable passport on this trip coz they won't issue me one from the Embassy in DC, stank. And in case you're wond'rin', the answer to "how are you getting all this time off?!" is we're not taking any time off for London. AND I'm going into the hole for the CNY trip. Now, mind your own f-ing business :p

And that's just January, phew!

We (Tony's parents, bro/sis-in-law) just decided over Christmas that we're all going to Italy for Tony's (and his stepdad's) birthday in September of '06. Florence, to be precise. We're renting an apartment for 7 days. Fun! Why Italy? Coz Tony's mom is Italian and she's never been to Italy! Good God. That must be remedied ASAP.

So yea, lots of international travel this year.. which is no different from the last, and the one before that, and the one before that. I cannot imagine that only 1 out of every 5 Americans have passports. I think if that number were doubled, America will never vote a Republican into the White House ever again. @ 16:00

DEC 26 :: [pix from perth] Finally, pictures from Perth, Australia, but not the ones from the wedding... yet. I know these pics are much, much delayed so it was great that I had some spare cycles on the flight back to DC from KC today. I'll get to the wedding pics soon, I promise. Patience, yea?

Hope y'all had a great Christmas with lots and LOTS of presents! @ 21:18

DEC 25 :: [have pics, will share] Bored. Waiting for turkey, which apparently is coming in 2+ hours. Thought you guys might like to check out the pictures we took last month (during our annual Asian invasion) at the Sila Evason Hideaway in Samui Island, Thailand. Seriously gurls, this place is Paradise on Earth.

And more random pics from Kuala Lumpur (KL) and Singapore last month:

Petronas Twin Towers, now the 2nd tallest buildings in the world
Family dinner at Chynna in Hilton Sentral, KL
Chinese Croissants - the mystery of what "yau char kwai" is called in English, is finally solved
The Singapore Skyline from our hotel pool
The Oriental Hotel. Hot!
Lounging by the pool at The Oriental
Lounging... don'cha just love the yellow pool umbrellas?
Are you a Topman? LOL!

We come home tomorrow. Yippee!!! @ 19:44 KC

[stankness everywhere!] So, last night at church, the attendees were horrifically lacking in fashion sense. Completely devoid. Add to that the fact that most of them were fat, ugly white people and you have the makings of a candid camera moment where they insert the token fetch coastal blue-state gaysian into a church in the middle of BFE red-state America for Christmas service. I stood out like the Pope in a gay bar.

Most of the women came in drab garbs that look like a cross between the women on Sordid Lives and Rocky Horror. The men just couldn't find suits that fit them. And these people were wearing their finest! My eyes would singe at the sight of what they would wear to Wal-Mart (which I'm sure these people single-handedly prop up). It was, in a word, Tragic. Only in the MidWest.

I used to be the only minority at this church. I would grace them with my Oriental fetchness year after year. Much to my horror, there was another minority in attendance this year. It's a good thing he was a kid, and he was African-Native Indian-American (yes, bizarre) otherwise I would've used his face as a scratchpost. Regardless, I still bring so much fetchness to this annual Christmas service they should be paying me an appearance fee. Natch.

And then there was our flight here. I don't even know why I bother dressing up for that flight to Stankville. The entire cabin was filled with stank-oloids. There were at least three peeps, that I could identify anyway, that needed seatbelt extenders. They looked like they each had Chinese before they boarded the plane. A *whole* Chinese. There was nobody cute (really, why would anyone cute fly to Stank-onia?), and the flight was such a massive come-down from our previous First Class flights. No pillows? No food?! No fluffy slippers??! No caviar??!! Tragic. The plane was stank, dirty, worn.. and to top it all off, they misplaced our luggage!

Well, it was Tony's luggage (with all his clothes and all our Christmas gifts), but still.. I was Furious. Yes, the flight was full and yes, we were on a regional jet hence the weight restrictions since everyone and their mother was checking in gimongous pieces of luggage filled with gifts. BUT, we are top-tier members of United. AND, our bags were tagged with priority labels! Bitches, if you're gonna remove luggage off the plane due to weight issues, Take A Piece That's Not Marked Priority! Clearly, the non-statused and the unprivileged should be made to suffer without their luggage before we do. How dare they touch ours. Heathens! Obviously, there will be a strongly-worded letter to follow... (they delivered our luggage almost 24 hours later)

And Dulles? Holy Nairobi Zoo, Batman. I thought I was on the set of Antz. Ridick. The check-in line was Disney-like, snaking around the concourse and wrapped around so tight, it took us at least 2 minutes to break through the line and walk right up to the 1K check-in counter that had 10 people in line and 10 agents attending to us. I loved breaking through the crowd like I was Moses parting the red sea, sneering at the infrequent flyers like they were in steerage. People kept coming up to our line - why wouldn't they? the other lines were epic - and asking us if we were checking-in for Business or, the nerve, Economy Class. I was this close to screaming: "1K and Global Services only!" à la "Women and Children first!" on the Titanic. Yea, go drown with the other stanks in That line over there. Haha, I'm such a class-ist bitch ;) OK, that was evil. Repent.. Ten Hail Marys, and more Bloody Marys.

If you've never had the pleasure of departing out of Terminal G at Dulles, don't. G stands for Greyhound, and calling it a bus terminal is actually a compliment. If Dulles itself is an African zoo, then Terminal G must be the free food stand in Kolkata. Talk about a mob scene. The whole open air concept of the terminal gates would've been fun and festive in Hawai'i, but in DC? Um, not so cute. The rolling screaming boarding calls by the gate agents? I almost wanted to herd and moo. Nowhere to sit (no lounge in G!! sacre bleu..), barely anything to eat or drink, nothing to buy, lines for everything, overflowing toilets, suffocating air, screaming children and airline employees everywhere...

Why do I subject myself to this kind of misery year after year. Oy humbug. Just IV some tryptophan in me right now and I promise I'll shut up and be happy :) @ 12:13 KC

[mawee kwistmas!] It's here! Finally. Don't really feel it this year. We didn't put up any Christmas decorations, which we usually do - trees (fiber optic ones at that), lights, stars, snowflakes, garlands, wreaths, you name it, we've got it tacked on tackily somewhere. We didn't send out any Christmas cards this year either (many, many apologies to those who sent us one and didn't get one in return.. we'll make it up to you *wink*). Dunno, just didn't really feel it this year.

I'm sitting in the family room at Tony's parents' right now. There are flamingos everywhere, lol. There's a taller-than-me Christmas tree with lots of presents underneath, no doubt some are for us. We woke up at 7 this morning, and Tony decided to give me my Christmas present, um, in the shower. Let's just say yadda, yadda, yadda, we used up all their hot water :-D Unlike Christmas, *That* doesn't happen once a year... but at his parents'? Yes, that's once a year. Giggle.

It's been an orgy of food so far. When we got here on Friday night, Tony's mom made "something new I'm trying out", she says. She made coq au vin. I know, d'uh. It was delish. I was so hungry I ate three servings. Then yesterday, we gouged on eggs benedict and rice casserole for breakfast, turkey soup with bow-tie pasta for lunch, and an extravagant dinner out on the town last night right after church. I ate, and ate, and ate, and I always overeat when I come here (coz there's really nothing else to do). And today, there's rice casserole with eggs for breakfast, meatball pasta for lunch, not to mention Tony's famously delicious turkey for dinner tonight! At the rate I'm eating, I'm probably not gonna need another meal till New Year's.

Oooh, church. Yup, I go to church once a year. In Kansas City. It's a Presbyterian church, which is far less stank than Baptist (*gag*) or Catholic (my fingers look like they're making a peace sign but, really, you Brits know what the two-finger salute means.. that's for you, Mr Pope). I was raised Christian, y'know. I used to go to church and bible school every Sunday, believed in God (OK, still do), blah blah for the longest time (yes, I have proof that I'm not Satan's lil' elf). But I've always dreaded going to church. Although, I have to say last night's service was mercifully heavy on music and light on the preachy, scripture-y, God-Almighty-rar-rar stuff. And best yet, it was short and sweet! Thank God. No, really.

I dunno, church just feels like a cult on most days, ridiculously fake and hypocritical on others. Um, "peace on earth and good will to all"? How about "don't kill babies, but let's kill our fellow man through the death penalty and wars of choice"? Oooh, and best yet - "God hates fags". Uh-huh yea. I *know* God doesn't hate, but if you do, go right ahead. Hate will kill you far more slowly and far more viciously than my love will :)

So, yes.. if Christmas is all about peace and good will, maybe I'll start getting into it and feeling it more. But the bible-thumping, radical right-wing, religious fanatics - oh, I'm sorry.. Christian fundamentalists - in America's heartland totally hijacks the meaning of Christmas and uses God in the most heinous manner throughout the year. So pardon me if on the day Jesus Christ was born, I don't want to feel your hate, nor do I want to tolerate your intolerance.

"Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart". All's I have to say is thank God for Santa and shopping. Merry Christmas, everybody! Peace on Earth and all that jazz... @ 10:41 KC

DEC 24 :: fetchpix [stank-sas city] (I'm trying out a new ID tag thingie to facilitate the search function.. bear with me)

We're here! Hah, the excitement is palpable, isn't it? It's Christmas Eve and I only got 5 hours of sleep last night, so watch out! Rick is in DC with Jose, dragging Jose's family drama-cum-baggage all around town (the Portuguese are kwazy). Jason is in Indiana with his family so at least we are both in the same miserable boat, lol. Chris is going to Rio the day after tomorrow, woohoo! So jealous...

OK, so for all the bitchin' I do about KC, I really don't do it justice. It's really, *REALLY* stank out here. Why anyone would want to live here by choice is beyond me. Tony's parents' house, though, is like a sanctuary. Give me broadband, wi-fi and TiVo and I'll come here as often as you want to see your son, mmm-kay. The leap forward in technology came after years of persistent nagging on our part. They are in their mid-60s/early 70s after all. But they can afford it and we prevailed, so coming to Independence, MO (uh-huh, yea) is not quite the 'torture' it once was.

Our next project is pushing them to adopt HDTV. And a plasma screen, *giggle*. Stay tuned.

I really have no idea why they put up with me, LOL! So anywho... oh wait, some (stank) pics from KC... and you must know the "flamingo" prank-and-counterprank stories before you get any of this:

A pretty sunset at Dulles last night
Are we in Florida?
I love it!
Tony's Mom and Stepdad
Desperate SOS (see the name of this file)

OK, here's my one bitch for the day (besides my constant bitchin' about being here in the flyover states.. at least I know Jason is sharing my misery). So, one of Tony's step-brothers (and his family) is coming round to the folks' house today for brunch. They're messed up. Bi-polar wife, diabetic/anorexic/cut-myself-coz-I-saw-it-on-TV daughter, and a son whose simple act of living with mom and sis qualifies him for a free lifetime consult with Dr Phil. Aaaanywho, we're cooking Christmas Eve brunch for them. OK, Tony and his mom are but whatev, you get my drift. After that, *They* are opening presents handed out by Tony's mom and stepdad. They won't have any presents for us and we definitely don't have presents for them. And immediately (oh, say 5 seconds) after all the presents are open, they will leave and go to her side of the family. So, why do we care?

I could've gone to yoga this morning (hah!). I wanted to go shopping. I want a new pair of jeans. I don't want to cook, or entertain, or sit-and-stare through a "why-do-I-bother-coz-there's-nothing-in-it-for-me" gift exchange session, for people (a) I don't care about, (b) who surely don't care about us, (c) and who, for all intents and purposes, are just drive-by gift-collectors!!!

So why didn't we just jump in the car and go? Coz Tony's mom insisted that we stay. Um, WHY? I don't see THEM being forced to cook for US and then sitting through OUR gift exchange session. Why are you forcing us? Can we all join hands in a prayer and say "double standards"?

Amen.

Again, I'm whiney (mostly coz I'm sleepy) coz things didn't go my way. Waa. It's Christmas and it's all about me, dammit!

Giggle. OK... so y'all know I'm kidding, right? I'm really not this self-centered.

Cue laughter. @ 08:27 KC, Misery

DEC 22 :: [i do] Victoria Beckham, Elvis Costello, Helene Bohnam Carter and Tim Burton, Sir Michael Caine, Elizabeth Hurley, Hugh Grant, the Osbourne family (Ozzy, Sharon, Jack and Kelly), Beatle Ringo Starr, Bryan Adams, Claudia Schiffer, Donatella Versace, Fergie the Duchess of York, Ronan Keating, Sting, Sharon Stone, celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay, tennis star Greg Rusedski, England cricket captain Michael Vaughan, Boris Becker, Nick Faldo... *squeal*

They were among a galaxy of celebtocracy at Sir Elton John's $29mn mansion estate in Windsor (25 miles west of London) last night for the biggest (700 guests), phattest ($2mn) gay wedding reception party in the world. They were there to toast 58-yo Elton and 43-yo Canadian-born David Furnish, who were officially united in a civil partnership ceremony after 12 years together. 687 other ceremonies took place across England and Wales on the first day they can legally take place. The funniest headline about the party came from The Sun: "Elton takes David up the aisle". LOL!

And then Prime Minister Tony Blair congratulated them and wished the couple well.

What the hell is wrong with the United States? @ 10:53

DEC 21 :: [useless info] Close to four hours ago, the sun was closest to the Tropic of Capricorn (23° 27' south of the Equator) marking the winter solstice, whereby the Northern Hemisphere was farthest away from the sun i.e. the shortest day of the year. The sun will rise at 7:23am EST and set at 4:50pm EST today in DC, giving us 9h 27m of daylight, if that. The winter solstice also marks the beginning of winter - which is quite odd this year coz we've been experiencing winter-like weather for over a month now, but it seems like things are gonna warm up for the next week or so? Kwazy.

So far, December has been miserably cold indeed. We are running 7° below average, with only one above average day temperature-wise so far. Only one day has topped 50°, and we've had sub-freezing temperatures everyday in December but three. Brrr...

I really dislike short days. I'm happy that the sun is gonna start setting later and later from here on out. But there's more than two more months of bitter cold to accompany the longer days, which is totally stank. Jan and Feb are gonna suck, weather-wise. I can't wait for spring.

It's been a boring day today at work. We had our Christmas lunch at H20. Two words - Never Again. Stank service, stank food, stank restaurant. Great views though! :) My only consolation was the bloody mary that my boss allowed me to order. Hmm, alcohol at lunch two days in a row, Fetch!

Nothing much happenin' besides gearing up for Christmas in Kansas City. We leave out of Dulles (*gag*) on Friday and return on Boxing Day. We're in a regional jet with coach seats that are borderline "inhumane and degrading" (aka "torture"). And restrooms that are so cramped you have to stand outside to pee into the toilet, or aim so low you might as well be peeing on your shoe.

Three hours each way. I can hardly conceal my excitement. @ 17:10

DEC 20 :: [the lunch blog] Jason was covering a shift at the DC bureau today, and Rick is, well, "working from home", and I was in stank SW. It was a confluence of circumstances and events that led up to the inaugural Fetch Trinity Fetch Lunch (FTFL) held today.

Jason was the mastermind, I needed to get the hell out of the office for, oh, 2 hours, and Rick was just wandering up and down U Street (why he's not wandering up Latino-infested Columbia Frights instead is beyond me...lol!). So we whipped up a lunch venue together in less than 15 minutes and gathered at the new Zengo in Gallery Place (does anyone call it Chinatown anymore?). I was so ready for lunch that when I got there, I immediately grabbed Jason and Rick and stormed upstairs while the hostess was hollering for us, LOL!

Lunch was riotous. The food was outstanding. Of course, as soon as we walked in, the token black waiter in the restaurant (Will?) starts staring at Jason. They all do. Anywho, we pounded flavored mojitos (mango kicks Halo's ass!) and, my favorite, "The Blushing Geisha" martini. Fierce! Jason ordered it (I screamed at her, "You're cheating on me!") and it came looking all red. I was like, "Isn't it suppose to be clear? Sake and vodka right?", and the waitress was like, "Um, d'uh.. it's called 'Blushing Geisha', there're brandied cherries in it". At which point, Jason looks at me and says "Hello, blushing = red? But since you're so yellow, you'll probably just turn orange when you blush." LOL!!

Jason took one sip from the martini and he almost slipped into a kimono and performed the fan dance. It was drip-tastic. Hot! Then the waitress explained that everything was tossed in a wok (at which point Rick points at me and says to our waiter: "so is she"), dishes are portioned to be shared, and the kitchen brings out whatever they want, whenever they want. So we went overboard and ordered 6 dishes, LOL.

Jason points at "Peking Roll", looks at me and screams out (in front of our waiter, mind you): "Isn't that what Tony does to you?", and then Rick adds, "Yea, like when he rolls you over?". Bitches. No, I didn't let them order that dish :-p Long story short, we gouged on edamame XO (XO is like their house sauce thingie), calamari, pulled pork/jalapeno, empanadas, lobster/shrimp dumplings and a noodle dish. It was finger-lickin', lips-smackin' delish. Best lunch I've had in awhile.

Plus we had a good buzz. Plus Jason wrote down his name and number and gave it to the Will (they were only eye-fucking each other the entire time). Plus lunch was two hours long. Fetch! It was, in a word, therapeutic.

We also discussed New Year's Eve going ons. Jason is apparently going to print a stack of golden tickets, buy an all-day pass, carry two bottles of 40s, and ride the Green Line from end-to-end all night. It's ghetto fetch. Rick apparently is gonna watch Portuguese balls drop at home. Instead of watching the Times Square ball drop, he's gonna have a Portuguese slide down his pole and when he hits bottom, his balls will light up. Uh-huh, yea.

Oh I cannot believe I just typed all that out... I need a "Parental Advisory" label on my blog similar to the "Explicit Lyrics" sticker on CDs. I love fetch lunches :-) Of course, right now I have food coma and Jason is still in a drunken oblivion... and Jason wants to go climb the Great Will of China-town. Go figure. @ 16:54

[annoyed] Today is just not going my way at all. And that's just really annoying. I think I'm just a spoilt brat because I get an extremely visceral gut reaction when things don't go my way. I can't control it and I can't help it. I get furious and I ooze Hatsumomo, before I step back, calm down and realize that some things are just not worth getting annoyed about. "Hi, my name is Kiat and I'm a spoilt brat"... Altogether now: "Hi, Kiaaaaat" *giggle*

Hatsumoment 1:: Co-worker who sits next to me can't access a website that monitors our servers, but the rest of us can. We're all on the same team and we all should have access, but he's not the server guy so it really doesn't matter if he has access or not. In the interest of helping, I suggested that maybe his proxy is set incorrectly and he bristled at my suggestion. Running out of ideas, my co-workers and I sorta give up, at which point he launches into a tirade about how we're supposed to be working and we need to help him figure this out. My other co-worker gets thoroughly annoyed and leaves. I'm furious too but I stay and after calming down, I decided to offer more assistance by looking at the firewall logs.

On the firewall, I notice that his proxies were incorrectly set so I pointed it out to him. After a few minutes, he declares that everything is fine and he can access the website. So I said to him, "I'm ready for my mea culpa." And instead of apologizing for his tirade or tamping down my earlier suggestion, he says to me, "it's your firewall's fault!"

Oh no you diin't. Hell hath no fury like a gaysian scorned. I was this close to screaming at him "I will destroy you!", before flicking my hair and storming off. I was one second away from a Hatsumoment.

Hatsumoment 2:: I won't be specific (out of deference to good friends) but we made plans, with a couple who lives in SF, to dine at French Laundry over President's Day weekend. Bitches, it's easier to get into Heaven than the French Laundry. It's no wonder, coz Thomas Keller is a God. Anywho, it took us 20+ minutes dialling three phones and having finger cramps before we finally got the dinner reservation (well, Tony did). All's well. I'm ecstatic. I'm drooling in anticipation.

Said couple declines because they have other friends visiting from out of town. I'm like, "WTF?? Don't you remember we made these plans months ago? Do you know how much planning it took on my part to remember to call the restaurant exactly two months to the day we are supposed to dine there in order to get coveted reservations? I had to drag my sorry ass out of bed on a SUNDAY FUCKING MORNING because the reservation lines open at a specific time and if you don't call right at that very moment the lines open, you have zero hope of getting a table, especially for a holiday weekend. Are you even aware of all that??!"

I thought I was going to have a cow. I think my water broke. I was pissed. And I immediately wanted to challenge them on why they forgot, or how could they forget, and how incredibly rude this whole situation was. I definitely could've guilted them into coming. And then I thought: How is that going to make for a pleasant meal, especially at (possibly) close to $1000/couple?

Epiphany:: Then I realized that I was really just mad about things not going my way as opposed to them forgetting that we had planned this months ago. And I was mad that I didn't get the apology I wanted, and instead he lashed at me. People forget, things happen, circumstances arise, some people are permanently bitter, some people wake up on the wrong side of the bed EVERYday... nothing you can do about it. The fact of the matter is, I didn't get my way and I was annoyed beyond belief.

So yea, life's too short. This is all just small stuff. It helped that I finally accepted this tenet in life (at least in this situation): "you don't always get what you want." Well, that and being slightly tipsy in the middle of the day from a fetch drunk lunch with Jason and Rick, which definitely helped!! :-D Thanks, Marys... @ 15:41

[ghetto-tastic] OMB, Jason and I are soooo wrrrrrrrrrrong. FYI: You won't get this unless you've read "parties galore" (the Range Rover part) and seen the 'Jason aka Willy' picture in "random pics", both from yesterday.

Jason:: Ranger Rover or Green Line...which do you choose
Kiat:: ROTFL
Jason:: Green Line....sex will be hotter!
Kiat:: holy ghetto line batman
Jason:: to the ghetto cave....
time to slide down the ghetto pole!
Kiat:: jump in your ghetto-mobile!!
the ghetto signal is up!
Jason:: actually, i wouldn't make it passed the ghetto pole
lol
Kiat:: LOL
Jason:: he's stuck and we can't get him out!
Kiat:: you're making me pee

I figured if Kanye is allow to use the "N"-word like a billion times in "Gold Digger", I'm allowed to use "ghetto" in a poking-fun kinda way. Plus, I'm a minority making fun of another minority. I can say whatever I want and you can't sue me :) @ 11:24

[the imperial presidency] Josh Marshall of the TPM hit it on the head when it comes to the eavesdropping debate:

"From perusing a few headlines it seems the White House and some editors are taking to arguing that surveillance or domestic wiretapping is necessary for national security, that it saves lives.

"Of course, it does. What a stupid thing to say, or for the White House, what a disingenuous thing to say.

"Wiretaps are conducted around the country every day. The FISA Court alone approves something like a half a dozen a day in highly classified national security or espionage related cases.

"The only issue here is why the president decided to go around the normal rules that govern such surveillance, why he chose to make himself above the law."

The President himself has admitted to unilaterally subverting the rule of law. Period. If that is not grounds for an investigation by Congress, perhaps even impeachment, I don't know what is. The President cited Article II of the Constitution (Executive Power blah blah blah) as the reason why he didn't bother with the courts and the whole judicial process of obtaining warrants. Article II, of course, doesn't mention telephones or the Internet. So it just so happens that when it's convenient, the President now recognizes that "strict constructionism" has its limits.

So let's recap, shall we? Citing Article II, this Imperial Presidency has decided that terror suspects can be detained indefinitely, without charges or due process. Terror suspects can be kidnapped and held in secret CIA-run prisons, without telling anyone. And the icing on the cake (and I use this phrase dripping with sarcasm), these "prisoners" will be subject to inhumane and degrading treatment that, for all intents and purposes, should be defined as torture.

And now "King George" wants to unilaterally listen to all our phone conversations whenever he wants, unencumbered by silly ol' warrants and courts, nevermind the oh-so-ridiculous assumption that the President should not be above the law. In a constitutional democracy, laws are meant to be followed until they can be changed. Y'know, if you thought that the wiretapping law was too cumbersome, why didn't you ask Congress to change the law? You've had FOUR years to do so! Then you wouldn't have to break the law.

And to top it all of, instead of arguing his case about why he should not be investigated, he unleashed his wrath on the leakers of the story and suggested that THEY should be investigated.

Can you say "Dictator"? @ 10:22

[lost & found] No one told me it was gonna be 25° this morning with windchills of 14° (-10°C)!!! WTF?? Winter hasn't even begun yet! (that's tomorrow)

Yes, my balls fell off this morning. Can you all please look out for them? It's far too cold for me to go out there and scour the streets. They're super easy to spot. Really. They're bright yellow (or kinda blue in this cold... wait, doesn't yellow and blue make 'em green?), very smooth.. it's almost like a yellow ping-pong ball and about the same size too but not quite as firm, perhaps even a little squishy. You can't miss it. There should be two of them and hopefully they're still attached. Otherwise, if you find one and not the other, keep looking! I'd rather not live with just one, spankyouverymuch. If you find them on O St NW, on the Red Line, the Blue/Orange Line, or 3rd St SW this morning (before the street sweepers do), please hand 'em to the City's Lost & Found, preferably in a cute little Ziploc. I kinda need them back. Thanks!! You just saved me from frostbite, which means I'll owe you.. a drink at JR's.

*giggle*

Hmm, did I just give away my home address, my route to work, and my work address? Don't stalk me, bitches. @ 09:32

DEC 19 :: [random pics] From the weekend:

Free shots courtesy of Jason's fav bartender, Sean, at Halo
Pounding 'em - check out Rick's tongue!
The Fetch Trinity - Before...
The Fetch Trinity - After!
Rick and Jason (yes, another!)
Jason and Jamie
Jason worshipping WeMo's boobs at gAy-pex
My hag-bitch Nicole! and Rick
Innocent? Hah! Not at all.. we're at Wet
Jason aka Willy caught in the act of handing out golden tickets
Rick and me lookin' good but feelin' stank on the Metro
Sir Hump-a-lot! - Jason lost a bet and had to hump the sidewalk.. how butch @ 22:47

[parties galore] I was gonna write about my weekend but, instead, I got nostalgic and wrote about my entire freakin' year. I'm such a sentimental mess. That's me.

I think I'm officially partied out, though I think we have one more to go to. I skipped a party last Thursday. In fact, I was feeling lethargic - plus the icy/rainy weather was stank - so I even skipped JR's :-o. Are they gonna send a search-and-rescue team if I haven't done all-you-can-drink in more than a month? Friday rolls around and I was so tired and sleepy, I had rings around my eyes that even Saturn would be jealous of. I worked late, got my haircut, and picked up some Alberto's (first of many trips this weekend) before heading home... Laying on my couch... Fading away... But there was no way I was gonna stay in on a Friday night so I hauled my yellow ass out of the house and into the frigid streets of DC to meet Jason/Rick (fresh from King Kong) at Logan Tavern.

Three Cosmos later and I've got my groove back. Stella!! And so did Jason, apparently, coz bitch was askin' if the waiter was on our dessert menu, LOL! First of many brazen moves by the least-sexed member of the Trinity (sorry honey, but it's true!). She really does put the 'ass' in 'class'. Anywho, I digress. In 'tween Cosmos, we planned our FTFT (Fetch Trinity Field Trip) for Saturday night, which involved dragging Nicole to the strip bars. Fetch!

Then, we twirled next door to Halo where I got wickedly blitzed. And the rest of the evening was a blur. I remember Jose joining us at Halo. I vaguely remember JR's, but I definitely don't remember walking there. As Jason said, "I knew bitch was drunk coz she didn't complain at all walking to JR's!" LOL!! I somewhat remember going to gaypex with Jason. I definitely remember running into WeMo celebrating her birthday (and Jason celebrating her breasts.. pictures will follow, natch). I also remember that I was so incredibly tired at Apex that the only saving moments were Hung Up being played twice.

I remember waking up the next morning (afternoon?) at just shy of noon, face down and ass up. Fetch Fridays are back!

Saturday was busy. Not the least because our day started so incredibly late we missed yoga (I haven't been in over a month, stank), rushed to go see my Memoirs (see review below), then rushed back for a holiday party at John/John's.. Oh I've gotta tell you about this holiday party, OMB. In total, there was maybe 40 ppl throughout the span of 4 hours. They had a coat check, complete with coat check tickets. There was a doorman, and three servers; all in tuxes. There was a chef in the basement. The food was delicious, the drinks never stopped flowing and the whole evening was effortless but by God, talk about OTT!!

And things went from OTT to OOC when Chris, Tony and I met up with Nicole/Khalid at their crashpad for the evening, and then cabbed it to Secrets to meet Rick for our much anticipated, dick-in-your-face, night out with Nicole! Too bad she picked the one night out of the year (more like the past EIGHT years!) to get food poisoning but we still had a dicking good time ;) She left, and we bounced over to Wet to join stinkin'-drunk Jason and Gary for more stripper fun.

Anywho, we had a riotous Metro ride home and went to Alberto's. Again. After this weekend, Jason and I are gonna enroll into AA - Alberto's Anonymous. The whole Alberto's-strippers-drink-and-repeat cycle was repeated the next night. Yes, we saw even more dick on Sunday, LOL! I think I've seen enough dick to last me for the rest of the year. Let's not forget Jason trying to pick up a black guy in the Range Rover next to our cab on our way to Secrets. The guy even honked at us! Hahaha... Priceless. Note to self: Search the "Glances" section of the Blade next week.

Before that, we went to our neighbor's Christmas party. This is the neighbor who bought her house (as an SWF) with a $160k escalation clause (!). Kwazy. Also went furniture shopping for stuff in the bedroom and dining room. No success yet but we're getting close.

So there ya have it. My weekend. I know, not very exciting. All's I can say is any weekend will be more exciting than the weekend I have coming up. The state of Missouri/Misery awaits. @ 17:14

[i ain't waiting] I've only just now stopped to realized that 2006 is 12 days away... *gasp and clutches pearls* WTF?? Where has this year gone? Why does it feel like I haven't accomplished anything? Well, besides: got a new job, turned 28 (sob) and threw a party plus another for Tony's birthday, celebrated 8 years with Tony together, became one of the founding members of the Fetch Trinity (lol!), visited the downtrodden parts of Asia twice spending my money there like Bono on a humanitarian shopping spree, hosted my parents twice, hosted - oh wait - still hosting my younger brother, rode in First on Singapore Airlines, got my super fetch W800i phone, bought a 42" plasma, Green Lantern and Nation and Madonnarama, dressed up as a geisha - twice!, and I wish I could tell you how many times I've been to JR's this year but the number is so astronomically high they haven't invented it yet.

I also went to Vietnam, Canada, SF, NYC (like, 3 times), New Orleans, Des Moines, LA, Rehoboth, Hong Kong, Laos, Thailand, Australia, Singapore, Malaysia, Kansas City (??), and earned 1K status along the way. My financial planner claims we have spent $40k more than we've earned this year.. well, as of Sept anyway (!!!) so obviously I've bought a lot of shit this year. What else...

Beyonce, Gwen, Kelly, Mariah and Madonna.

That's pretty much been 2005 for me. I won't be closing out the year in any place fabulous like I did last year (Bangkok!). In fact, I might even be stuck in DC (shocking, I know). So, 2006, huh? Bring it on! I'm just dreading 2007 when I turn 30. I am *SO* not looking forward to that. But I can handle 2006.

Wow, am I only 28? I have done quite a lot of shit in my life, haven't I. Hmm, perhaps I have accomplished quite a bit... Times flies when you do. Like Madonna said - "Time goes by so slowly for those who wait." And bitches, I ain't waiting. @ 16:39

[my memoirs] I dragged Jason, Rick and Tony to go see Memoirs of a Geisha on Saturday in Georgetown. It was quasi-fetch. Some of the reviews I've read were quite spot on: The movie itself was somewhat hollow. The scale of the movie was sweeping to the point of an epic. The cinematography was rich and captivating. The characters were beautifully acted by Gong Li (Hatsumomo aka 'Queen Bitch', *love* her!), Michelle Yeoh (Mameha aka 'fetch mommy'), and Zhang ZiYi (Chiyo/Sayuri aka me!). But character development was weak, and the storyline needed more oomph. The explanation of the whole geisha thing was also lacking. In a gist, everything should've been more. It was like a half-baked movie.

It wasn't bad. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The movie was entertaining in a Hollywood kinda way, and it had many moments (or Hatsu-moments as I would call it). Gong Li, who's 40 but looks 25, was delectably fierce and vile. So much more vicious than I could ever be (OK, that's not true). Michelle (my hometown girl!), 43, was casted perfectly for the Mameha role though she was clearly the weakest actress of the three. Zhang ZiYi, well, she's like younger than I am, can you fucking believe it? And I aspire to be her. So amazingly fabulous and fetch. She played Sayuri with all the beauty and grace of a cherry blossom, and definitely without the "helpless female" quality that is oh so irritating in Hollywood movies these days (Katie Holmes, anyone?). Stunningly flawless. OK well, that's not true. Her English is terrible! Gong Li is no stranger to Hollywood and Michelle Yeoh grew up in Malaysia, but ZiYi never had the exposure and she was bloody annoying when she spoke. You'd think she could've brushed up a little considering the amount of money that was poured into this movie.

And the movie bought a LOT of beauty - silk kimonos that blanketed the silver screen (I want one!), cherry blossoms everywhere, a heart-stopping Kabuki-style "Winter Dance" by Ms. Zhang. And, OMB, talk about flawless makeup. What the money didn't buy was dialogue and particularly, a good script. It also didn't solve the language issue (Chinese actresses trying to sound Japanese while speaking halting British English to an American audience? Good God). I did love it though when post-war, "I love being a whore to the Americans" Pumpkin looked at Sayuri and said "Americans... they're all bastards!". LOL!! Not to mention Sayuri selling her virginity for 15,000 Yen?! That equated to almost $4,000 in the pre-war days (and $50k+ today!). Holy shit. Makes you wanna be a geisha virgin ;)

Everyone who has read the book knows the whole story, including the ending. Well, in the movie, the ending, like everything else in the movie, sorta left you wanting. It wasn't quite as bad as bad sex. But it was just one act short of an orgasm.

Which apparently King Kong delivers in buckets, as evident by Jason and Rick's gushing (literally) review of the movie. I'm gonna wait to see it in KC (really, what else is there to do there?). What about Bareback Mountain? Please. Hell will freeze over before they show that in the flyover states. @ 15:49

[king george] Along with secret US prisons abroad, the CIA's detention overseas of innocent foreign nationals, leaking the identity of a CIA operative, the manufactured war in Iraq, Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo, etc., the warrantless eavesdropping on US citizens and residents just adds to the long list of sickening abuses by this Bush Administration, all in the name of war. Yes, these people just LOVE war.

The Washington Post:

"In October 2001, President Bush secretly authorized the National Security Agency to collect intelligence on U.S. persons -- citizens and residents -- suspected of having connections to al Qaeda and other terrorist organizations."

"What has happened since the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks is as pernicious and as damaging as any abuse or panic or misstep of the past: We must pledge allegiance to a certain post 9/11 Order, abandon the rule of law, compromise our values, turn against our neighbors, enlist in a clash of civilizations, all in the name of defeating the terrorists."

"We are being asked to destroy our country in order to save it."

Um, I don't think they even bothered to ask.

Elizabeth Parker, former general counsel of the NSA and the CIA, adds:

"Obviously we have to do things differently because of the terrorist threat. But to do it without the participation of the Congress and the courts is unwise in the extreme."

This is the statement I wholeheartedly agree with. I don't mind being spied on. I haven't done anything wrong. If it saves lives, why not. But if you're gonna do it, make sure some court somewhere knows about it and has authorized it based on evidence that I am suspicious. There's even a process! Yes, of course they (Congress) thought about it before they enacted the wire-tapping law. Emergency warrants can be obtained in secret. But noooooooo, Bush had to do it HIS way. Just doing it coz you feel like it (or say so), well, doesn't that make you King? Last I checked, we kicked royal ass almost 230 years ago.

At this point, this is neither a revelation nor surprising. It's just sad. And sadder still is the countless other abuses this Administration has perpetrated in the past 5 years that have not seen the truth of daylight yet. Not to mention the ones that they will - and surely will - commit in the next 3.

Another sad day in a very, very long string of dark days in American history. @ 14:39

DEC 15 :: [real blonde] So, Nicole sent me an ad about drag kings performing (ok, lipsynching) a holiday show at Apex this Sunday. Check this out:

Nik:: This sounds like fun! Are you going?
Me:: Ew, why would I want to see women dressed as men?
Nik:: Ok, u are going to think I'm stupid...... I thought it was 'drag-queens' in MEN'S clothing. I have issues I know!
Me:: OHMIBEYONCE... LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honey, drag queens in men's clothing are called.. MEN.
Nik:: I know I can be a real BLONDE sometimes

So absolutely priceless. @ 23:08

[triple delight] After months of ridiculously bad movies flying out of Hollywood, a trio of hot movies are coming out this weekend (well, actually two of them were released last weekend but DC is so fucking provincial...). I wanna see 'em all. I checked out the showtimes for each movie and sent the info in an e-mail to Rick and Jason, and I titled it:

"King Kong Bareback Geisha"

Giggle. @ 14:43

[gay cowboy] I got this priceless lil' gem from Gary (who lives in LA and has seen every single hot movie that I want to see a week before me). In honor of Brokeback Mountain.. from the David Letterman Show:

Top Ten Signs You're A Gay Cowboy

10. "Your saddle is Versace"
9. "Instead of 'Home On The Range', you sing 'It's Raining Men'"
8. "You enjoy ridin', ropin', and redecoratin'"
7. "Sold your livestock to buy tickets to 'Mamma Mia'"
6. "After watching reruns of 'Gunsmoke', you have to take a cold shower"
5. "Native Americans refer to you as 'Dances With Men'"
4. "You've been lassoed more times than most steers"
3. "You're wearing chaps, yet your 'ranch' is in Chelsea"
2. "Instead of a saloon you prefer a salon"
1. "You love riding, but you don't have a horse"

I don't have a horse... @ 13:11

[sanity, finally] Yes, finally there is some sanity in the House of Representatives. Today, the Republican-controlled House (231 R, 202 D, 1 I) voted to join the Senate in banning torture by a veto-proof majority of 308-122. The Senate's vote to ban cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment of foreign terrorism suspects (the McCain amendment) passed overwhelmingly (veto-proof and filibuster-proof) by 90-9 more than two months ago.

In one of those rare moments in American politics, the American public and both houses of Congress are now in agreement on this fundamental basic rights issue. The lone obstacle to banning torture now - and I'm shamed to even type this - is the President of the United States of America.

How can the leader of the world's strongest democracy and the world's champion of human rights, be so hateful towards those same basic human rights? What happened to leading by example? The heinous fight for the right to torture by this White House can only be topped by its ill-fated decision to launch a war of choice on Iraq. Even as this admission comes WAY too little, and FAR too late.

Is "I'm sorry" so hard to say for murdering (roughly) 30,000 Iraqis and 2,140 (so far) American soldiers? Why is this man not at the Hague Tribunal right now? Better yet, why is he still leading our country?! 10:32

DEC 14 :: [bitch cold] WTF. The high today was 26°. Argh!! The storm is coming. Ice and snow is supposed to start at 10am tomorrow and by Friday afternoon, temps are supposed to climb into the mid-40s. I cannot wait.

Pictures from the JR's Christmas Party last night! Don't bitch about the picture quality. First of all, I don't have a flash on my camera phone. Second of all, and mostly due to the lack of light, most of the pictures are slightly blurry. If you think it's stank, bring your own damn camera :-p @ 22:25

[insanely cold] I don't think there's anything else to talk about besides the ridiculously bitter cold. It's 20°F (almost -7°C) right now. After the storm tomorrow, temperatures are forecasted to rise above 40° for the weekend, thank God. My body can't take much more of this.

I just cannot walk outside when the temps fall below 40°. My morning walks to the Metro, however short the two blocks are, are decidedly unpleasant. I can feel my thighs freezing, not to mention my face. I think I might need to start wearing long undies or something (eww). After I get off the Metro, the one block walk to work isn't so bad mostly because I have warmed up in the trains. Speaking of heat in the Metro, what is up with that lately?? Maybe it's just way too cold outside and the train heating system can't handle it, but I find that I need to wear gloves IN the train. And have you taken the temperature on the platforms? It's not much of a refuge if you ask me. I'd rather be sweating. Trust.

I was soooo miserably cold last night as well, walking to JR's for the annual Christmas party. It was way below freezing and I shivered the whole way there. The winds did not help at all. Totally unfetch.

Anywho, last night was fun enough, although I think JR's is kinda losing its previously undisputed status as DC's most popular gay bar. The crowd last night was quite sparse; I mean, there was actually room to mingle! Besides the much delayed but no-less crazy reunion of the Fetch Trinity, there were the usual suspects: M2, Leo, Seabiscuit-Greg/Andy, Gary/Kirk, Peter who's now a Dupont resident, the Mean Girls (incl. fierce Chuck who's gonna deport me if I don't return his phonecalls, LOL!) and their fetch posse, and Troy from out of town. And we mustn't forget Mr and Mrs Claus - sans elves again this year - who are becoming quite a fixture but also quite a yawn. I'm sure I missed somebody but if it's you, well you're just not that memorable ;-)

The bar looked like the Macy's Christmas decoration team swept through. It was crazy bright in there. You could actually see the patrons for once (and boy, the ones that look OK in the dark are tragic in the light! *giggle*). Things warmed up quickly, thanks to the free booze/food, and before long, the drag queen is on the bar leading the crowd in an en-masse, out-of-tune, sing-along Christmas carolling that only a bar full of gay men can deliver. The picture-taking session with the Claus family has degenerated into a 2x2 Polaroid affair from a digital 4x6 print-out before. It's quite stank, really. The whole thing was ho-hum (maybe I'm just getting jaded) but pump a bunch of booze in any of us and any evening anywhere can be raucous.

I don't really remember the 12 days of Christmas.. did it even take place? How drunk was I? LOL!

Jason got trashed, lol! I'm guessing he's boot-camping for Turin. It also didn't help that the Fetch Trinity basically drank ourselves to oblivion; kinda like our lives and the continuation of our fetchness depended on it. Rick and I had to carry Jason to Cobalt, where we dropped it to 80s music. Flaming made a brief appearance than disappeared shortly thereafter. The night ended just past midnight for me. Quite tame. But also quite manageable. The walk home didn't feel so cold, thanks to my favorite body-warmer: vodka! Well, that and Tony ;-) @ 09:35

DEC 13 :: [icy fun] For the first 12 days of December, our average temperature has been EIGHT degrees below normal. Don't sound like much? Trust me, when the normal hi/lo is 48°/33°, 8° is HUGE. It has snowed almost half the time, totalling 4.5". We've had sub-freezing temperatures everyday but two, and only 4 days above 40°.

And to top it all off, today is the first day it will be sub-freezing ALL day. I thought last week was cold. Nope. I thought this past weekend was cold. Wrong again. I thought Yesterday was cold. Not even close. I walked to the Metro this morning and it was a bone-chilling, teeth-chattering, balls-shrinking 23°. Let's not even talk about windchill (8°). I really dislike winter. Why am I here?

And to make matters worse, they're calling for an ice storm on Thursday. Have you heard about my ice storm story? Oh this is priceless. So silly ol' tropical and delicate lil' me had never seen snow before until I went to England for Univ ('95-'97). It snowed like twice. Winters there are pretty mild. It rained like crazy though. Anywho, I had never seen ice before (well, at least not on trees or roads) until I moved here to the States. I remember getting excited.

I think it was the winter of '98-'99? Back when I was still a little girl.. Cue the theme song to Mulan. It was my second winter in the States. We were living in Tysons at that time. The weather forecast said something about an impending ice storm. I, being the winter weather "virgin" that I was at that time, got giddy at the thought of anything that sounded new and fun. Tony groaned but I was like, "ice? oh goody!". Of course, I had no idea what it was.

So it started raining (or icing). And I was parked outside (these were the good ol' days at SAIC's Enterprise building). Needless to say, it took me an hour to scrape inches and layers of ice off my car before I could even get IN the car. I still remember looking at Tony like he was a Martian when he handed me a "scraper" to put in my car. I was like, "what on earth would I use this for?". Uh-huh. In the meantime, I am hearing (and being told) stories about ppl falling down on the ice and such. And I, of course, laughed. I was like, how funny. How could anyone possibly fall on ice. Don't be silly. Remember, I had never seen ice outdoors before; only ice cubes.

The drive home was ridiculous. My commute back then was only a mile (5 minutes tops) but the roads were so slippery it took me an hour to get home. Ridick.

Later that night, we ventured out with some friends to go eat. Tony said to me "be careful when you walk out the front door, it's very slippery". As usual, I paid scant attention. I opened the front door, stepped out into the landing (which was shaded), took my first step down a set of a dozen brick steps or so, slipped, did a half-gainer, landed on my ass, and slid all the way down to the bottom like it was a playground slide. Ouch.

I do remember trying to grab hold of the railing as I slid down the ice-covered brick steps (oooh, it would've hurt bad if it was just raw brick) but I couldn't gain any traction with my fingers. Everything just slipped off like an ice cube on the kitchen counter. I just hit one step after another all the way to the bottom, when I landed on grass. Even back then, I was quite the whiner. I just sat on my ass until Tony came to the rescue and I was just shy of tears when I recounted the whole affair to him. I could've sworn he was one "waa.. you won't believe what happened to me" story away from bursing out into laughter (I would've whipped myself into a frenzy had he done so). But in his defense, he was very sympathetic and held his own.

I also remember that I had my cellphone in my right hand and that cellphone remained out of harm's way i.e. safely in the air, while I was getting a sore ass on my front steps. Yup, even back then I couldn't live without my cellphone. I never once let go of it or freed it from my hands, as one would instinctively do when falling down.

Yes, ice storms are fun. The aftermath is always very pretty. The traffic jams? Not so fun. The down power lines? Really not fun (no heat in winter? yuck). Doing half-gainers on icy walkways? Even less fun. Note to self: Never laugh at your co-worker's "I fell down during an ice storm" stories. 12:50

[backfired] The Crush Calculator thing totally backfired (if you don't know by now, every person you named as your "crush" got e-mailed to me). Everyone I know who is partnered entered only one name in ther "crush" list, even though three spaces were provided. And without fail, it was their partner's name. Aww, who knew we were all so committed.

Both Tony and my responses were sent to Jason (that tricky bitch). His conclusion:

"You and Tony are sooo adorable, like two snowpeas. He put you as his only crush too!"

This is all so incredibly sweet, it makes my tooth ache. @ 11:03

[raped, willingly] I don't know much about cars. I can barely open the hood of my car. I know where the lever is (under my steering wheel) but apparently there's this thing called "safety". And the hood doesn't just pop open when you pull the lever (in case you pull it while the car is zooming down the autobahn). Nope, it doesn't open until you pull a special latch under the hood itself. But how was I sposed to know that? I put gas in, it goes. I pull the lever, it should open, goddammit. Read the manuals, you say? Well, I ain't touching the manuals in the glove compartment. There's like a half-inch layer of dust on it! Stank.

BTW, that latch is filthy, smelly and gross. Trust. No, I don't do cars. I'm gonna say it once and only once - I just ain't butch 'nuff, mmm-kay?

When the hood is open, I don't know where my battery is. Apparently BMW Roadside Assistance says it's the thing marked with a "+" sign (d'uh.. positive and negative terminals) but I'll take their word for it. I don't know how to jump start my car. Something to do with clamps and the presence of another running car around? Well, not many of those in a parking lot under 395 on a Monday afternoon, is there?

A funny thing happens when the battery dies. The car doesn't start. Hmm.. *THAT*'s a problem. Not only that, my steering wheel stops, well, steering. Yes, power steering literally means it uses power to steer. Who woulda thunk it. My door doesn't close. Uh-huh, it's unique to convertibles. My remote keyless thing doesn't work, which means I cannot arm or disarm my car. I can't even manually put the key into the keyhole (ohmy), turn it and get the bloody door to open/close. In the 21st century, your car only responds to some beep-beep device the size of your thumb to unlock/lock (biometrics, anyone?), but it doesn't know when your battery is about to die!! Bitches. I literally could not leave my car by itself. But worst of all, my radio stops working (wtf, no music??) AND the digital display LCD-thingie stops displaying! Do you *KNOW* how long it took me to set the date/time and temperature settings (I want F, not C! Damn Germans..) without looking at the manual??

When I got the car running again (by a miracle of God), the BMW lady - who, by now, is completely exasperated that I paid a fortune for a car that I have no idea about - made her point come across so blatantly, she was just shy of driving to where I was and beating it into my head. She told me (ok, insisted) to keep the car running for at least 30 minutes before driving it to the nearest BMW dealership to get the battery replaced.

At this point, I'm thinking.. "well, BMW is gonna charge me an arm and a leg for this battery". Smart. So I call around. Midas. Jiffy Lube. NTB. I struck out so many times I might as well be a little leaguer playing in the MLB (ohmy, writing this is making me butch). *NO*body carries my "special" battery. I didn't know it then, but of course it's a racket. Everyone is conspiring to make BMW owners pay for their superfluous ways. "You have enough money to buy a $50+k car? You can afford to pay through your nose for parts!"

Bitches.

So I drive myself to a BMW dealership. Willingly. Memories of getting raped - willingly - resurface. Why? Lemme 'splain.. How many times have I paid for a $90+ oil change. Or a $600 bumper. Or a $600 plastic cover for my top? I've been raped so many times at the BMW dealership you'd think I wouldn't keep coming back. But like a battered and abused wife, or a victim with Stockholm syndrome, I fall for the shiney, plush, affluent BMW dealerships, over and over. I'm so stupid. Money doesn't buy happiness. Stop laughing, you bitches.

The new battery costs $200. I took one look at BMW's labor charges ($110/hr) and fainted. I was just about to drive to Midas and get them to install the battery for me, when my car died in the dealership's parking lot. The battery was officially dead. The car was basically shut down. I couldn't push it to Midas if I wanted to coz the steering was locked. So I relented and let BMW install it.

Of course they charge you the full hour even though it takes them all of 5 minutes to do it. And of course they couldn't take care of it immediately coz apparently there are TONS of ppl living in this area who see nothing of paying $110/hr for someone to molest their vehicles. They made absolutely sure that I know that I was #16 in a long line of cars needing to be fixed and there was no way I could get my car back until the next day, lest I offered up bribes approaching a Third World country's GDP. Um, I think not.

While I was at dinner, one of the mechanics that I called earlier returned my call to tell me that the battery for my car PLUS installation would cost $150. Yup, thoroughly raped by my BMW dealership. The sad part is I actually paid to get raped. It'll take weeks to recover. Post-traumatic stress and all that. And now, my ass is just sore.. Well, that was due to a combination of factors but it's semantics at this point.

;-) @ 10:48

[don't feel like it] I don't feel like writing. I'm only doing this coz Jason asked me to. Here's my weekend. Don't judge and don't give me attitude about how I am such a wuss about the whole jet-lag/sleep thing, blah blah. I don't want to hear it.

Friday night, I slept. No, really. I think I napped on and off from 7pm onwards. Saturday morning I was up at 6:30. Totally stank. Jason came by at 2 to cheer me up but I promptly fell asleep at 3:30 and crashed for three hours. That meant I was able to enjoy Chris' fabulous cooking (how about foie gras the size of your palm? lol) later that night for a dinner party at Chris/Dave's with Rob/Mikko and Naomi/Steve. Naomi is VERY pregnant and she's not even in her third trimester yet. I'm telling ya, she's gonna give birth to Gojira. That's what happens when Asian women give birth to mixed White-Asian babies. White man sperm, big baby. Still, I wish I had a uterus. She looks absolutely radiant.

Tony was out like a light by 11pm coz he didn't nap. I took him home.. and went to Wet! Haha. Jason and Gary were there. Ohmibeyonce, should I even describe what happened the two hours we were there? Maybe later... LOL! After Wet, Jason and I closed down JR's and gouged on Alberto's. I went to bed at 4 thinking, "yay! I'm back on my normal nocturnal schedule".

Not. By 5pm Sunday, I was napping on and off again. And I was so lethargic all day I just did nothing. Just like Saturday before I took my 3-hour power nap. And just like Friday night. My weekend was a complete waste.

We had four things to go to this past weekend (Christmas and otherwise), and we only went to one. Stank. I hate jet lag. Hate it, hate it, hate it. 10:00

DEC 12 :: [your one and only] Check out this link:

CrushCalculator.com - Who is your one and only?

It gives you an amazingly accurate reading of how compatible you are with one of your "crush"s, maybe even tell you if he/she is The One! Try it :) *mischievous giggle* @ 07:49

[no, you didn't] Jet lag is killing me. I've been getting up at or before 5 (!!) every single morning since I got back. I got up at 6 today (woohoo!) and sauntered into work this morning at 7:30.

Co-worker:: [looks at me like he's just seen a unicorn.. and then looks at his watch] It's not even 9, what are *you* doing here??
Me:: Oh, I got up at 6 this morning.. which is better than 5.
Co-Worker:: No, you didn't. You just got here from a club, didn't you.

LOL!!! Even my reputation at work is shot. @ 07:43

DEC 9 :: [period. movie.] Bad reviews all around for Memoirs of a Geisha which opens today in NYC, LA and SF (the three cities I wanna be in but am stuck here in DC instead). From USA Today (sneers at Jason):

"Memoirs of a Geisha is like a sumptuous piece of silk: stunning yet ultimately flimsy. You wish it were more like a kimono, richly woven, multilayered and more substantial."

That pretty much sums it up for me then. I'll still go watch it though. And from the NYT:

"Mr. Marshall can't rescue the film from its embarrassing screenplay or its awkward Chinese-Japanese-Hollywood culture klatch, but "Memoirs of a Geisha" is one of those bad Hollywood films that by virtue of their production values nonetheless afford a few dividends, in this case, fabulous clothes and three eminently watchable female leads."

I cannot wait to see Zhang ZiYi, Gong Li and Michelle Yeoh (she's Malaysian!) in action, although it does seem weird that Hollywood would cast three Chinese ladies for quintessentially Japanese roles. What can I say.. we just do it better :-)

"But even the formidable Ms. Gong cannot surmount the ruinous decision to have her and Ms. Zhang, along with the poorly used Mr. Yakusho, deliver their lines in vaguely British-sounding English that imparts an unnatural halting quality to much of their dialogue. The. Result. Is. That. Each. Word. Of. Dialogue. Sounds. As. If. It. Were. Punctuated. By. A. Full. Stop. Which. Robs. The. Language. Of. Its. Watery. Flow. And. Breath. Of. Real. Life. Even. As. It. Also. Gives. New. Meaning. To. The. Definition. Of. The. Period. Movie."

I just peed myself. 09:47

DEC 8 :: [mandatory death penalty] Less than a week ago, Singapore's government hanged Van Tuong Nguyen, 25, of Australia at Changi Prison for drug trafficking, provoking a storm of protest in Australia, which outlawed capital punishment in 1965. Van was arrested in Dec 2002 at Singapore's Changi Airport while transiting from Cambodia to Melbourne, after police found 396.2 grams (14 ounces) of heroin on him, enough to yield 26,000 doses. That is a lot of ruined lives, no?

Apparently Van was smuggling the drugs in order to pay off debts run up by his brother. Aww.. Clemency is justified then, huh? Well, not so fast. His brother's debts? Weeeeeeell. They were incurred by the court case that stemmed from his brother being convicted of arming himself with a samurai sword and repeatedly slashing a 17-yo, leaving the victim confined to a wheelchair and in need of plastic surgery. :-o, I know. Furthermore, his brother was also a convicted drug trafficker and heroin user. Good God.

We were in both Australia and Singapore in the week of heated debate leading up to the hanging itself. While we were in Perth getting ready to fly back to Singapore, Singapore Airlines operated on heightened alert due to the volatility of the situation and the deterioration in relations between Australia and Singapore. Security was super tight.

Singapore enacted tough drug laws in 1975 which imposed a mandatory death sentence for drug trafficking, defined by possession of more than 15 grams (half an ounce) of heroin, 30 grams of cocaine, 500 grams (just over a pound) of marijuana, or 250 grams (just under 9 ounces) of Tina. The same laws (though in different quantities) exist in Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia, my home country of Malaysia, and others. Mandatory death sentences are also handed out to murderers and possession of firearms (!). Yes, mandatory. I never saw anything wrong with it (and possibly still don't) and fully supported it as a deterrent to the society-ruining effects of the drug trade.

The death penalty is outlawed in all of Europe (except Belarus), Canada, Australia, Mexico, most of Latin America and parts of Africa. Capital punishment is alive and well in Asia, the Middle East and the United States (although 12 states and the District of Columbia do not have a death penalty).

I do firmly believe though that executing anyone is a brutal act. And sometimes you gotta wonder what good is the death penalty. If killing people stopped killing, we'd sure as hell know by now. But I remain ambivalent (I know, how un-progressive of me).

So bitches, don't bring drugs into Asia, mmm-kay? @ 17:15

[two continents, equal rights] While I was away... In the span of five days, gay rights marched impressively forward on two separate continents. On Dec 1st, South Africa's Constitutional Court - the country's highest - shocked the globe when it ruled by a overwhelming 9-1 majority that the country's marriage laws unfairly discriminate against same-sex unions. In 12 months' time, South Africa will be the first nation in the African continent to recognize same-sex marriages, and only the fifth country in the world to do so. Groundbreaking and quite amazing.

Five days later and after years of waiting, the Civil Partnership Act 2004 came into effect granting legal status to gay couples in the UK, essentially providing legal rights associated with marriage to registered gay couples. It is a momentous and joyous occasion for gay rights in Britain and I could not be more proud that the country I called home for two years has decided to embrace diversity and affirm equality. The first gay weddings will occur on Dec 21st (among them, Elton John and David Furnish).

I'm jealous. @ 16:15

[sex-band] Wow. I have been so in love with my W800 recently that I missed out on this juicy little announcement from Nokia. Dolls, the N80 is like a wet dream! Ohmibeyonce, check this out. This phone will not only do the four GSM bands (850/900/1800/1900), it'll also do 3G/UMTS. But wait, not only does it support UMTS in Europe/Asia (2100), it'll also support UMTS in North America (1900)! Soon to be available from Cingular...

Yes, I think this is the world's first sex-band phone (GSM 850/900/1800/1900, UMTS 1900/2100). Hot!! This thing might even roam on Pluto.

And oh, there's more. The N80 has a 3-megapixel camera, 1 more than mine. It's said to have integrated flash with anti-red eye. Totally fierce. The display is, um how shall I put it, HUGE (4x more pixels than my phone's display). It can also capture video in MP4, as opposed to the annoying 3GP format on my phone. And just like my phone, the N80 is an MP3 player as well. Best yet, it uses mini-SD as opposed to the annoying memory stick (Sony, bah), maxing out at 2GB of storage or about 400 songs. Besides bluetooth and infrared, the N80 also does, get this, wi-fi (802.11g). How fucking cool is that?? I wonder if the phone can piggyback on an existing wi-fi network's internet connection when in range of a hotspot. That would be the shit. I'm quivering at the thought.

Size-wise, the N80 is shorter, but wider and thicker than my phone. But the sticking point is the weight - 35% more than the W800. That's the only serious downside I can think of. Otherwise, this phone does just about everything besides wipe your ass.

I rate the N80 a want-it-now, must-have, and must-buy. And rumor has it Cingular will be selling the N80 next year in sync with the rollout of their 3G product. I would totally switch in a heartbeat.

I love toys :) (get your mind out of the gutter) I've now had my W800 for two months.. TWO! And I'm already lusting after a better toy. I have the attention span of a nanite. Either that or I'm just totally high maintenance. And you'll never be forgiven if you thought the latter :-p @ 15:37

DEC 7 :: [HK$300] I never did get around to elaborating about our little check-in mix-up at the Peninsula in Hong Kong, which ultimately resulted in an upgrade to a deluxe harbour view room with a heart-stopping view of Hong Kong.

So we get to the Pen all tired and shit, and we're SO ready to freshen up and head out for some sightseeing. We've booked a deluxe courtyard room with a king bed on a high floor (max = 6th) for HK$2580 (US$333) knowing that the view of Hong Kong and the harbor would be partial, at best. There are a bunch of buildings between the Pen and the harbour but most of them are quite short. No matter, the harbour view rooms were going for HK$3980 (US$513) and that really wasn't an option in my mind.

Well, we get there and they tell us we've been upgraded to a deluxe kowloon (aka "city") view room in the tower on the 20th floor. "A beautiful view of Kowloon", he says. I gave him my infamous "d'you think I'm stupid" look, followed by my notorious "don't fuck with me" look, and I immediately declined the upgrade. He even said "the view of Kowloon is quite pretty at night" and I almost threw up right there and then. Please, dolls. That's like asking for a Brooklyn view when your hotel is on Central Park. Ridick.

Anywho, he goes off and comes back a few minutes later basically apologizing coz he didn't have any rooms in our room category left and he thought we would take the upgrade anyway. When I protested further, he offered us a deluxe courtyard room on the 2nd floor (I want sixth, bitches, SIXTH!!) with TWIN beds. My hands and my hair start flying everywhere at this point, which is quite a feat considering how well-gelled my hair is. I screamed for the front desk manager.

Miss Front Desk Manager comes and she gives us the same story: take the upgrade or we can cram you into a 2nd floor room, but for your troubles, we'll replace the beds for you and make it a king.

Much to my surprise, I channeled Bree, calmed down, and put on my "Kiat, the Ultimate Consumer" hat and said to Miss FDM: "Would you happen to have the phone number for the new Four Seasons in HK?" You could almost see the fear in Miss FDM's eyes upon hearing the name of the Pen's newest and fiercest competitor in town. Miss FDM hurries off like a little oompa loompa on a mission.

At this point, I am composed but furious, and so ready to drag my 18-days of luggage (made extra heavy by the shopping we did all over Asia) and my heels (and my hat boxes, and my tiara, and and etc.) over to the Four Seasons.

What feels like an eternity passes by before Miss FDM comes back and says: "We'll be happy to offer you a harbour view room for HK$300 extra (a HK$1100 discount from the going rate). It's a very special deal". I was screaming for joy on the inside, but on the outside I just hmmed and hawed a little before finally caving in. Tony, of course, was clueless and he was still peeved at having to pony up the extra HK$300 (US$39) for what essentially is the hotel's fault for not honoring our reservation.

Until he walked in to the 25th floor room and about passed out at the view. Even I was not ready for the jaw-dropping, 180°, wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling, panoramic, drop-dead, I-can-die-and-go-to-heaven-now view of Hong Kong island. Ladies, I squealed, fainted and wet myself all at once.

And That's how we weaseled our way to a room with THE best view ever, in one of THE best hotels in the world, for HK$300. @ 17:02

[wtf??? part deux] Ohmifuckingbeyonce!!! My world has just collapsed. Check this out:

Memoirs of a Geisha
Theatrical Release
Dec 9, 2005 NYC/LA/SF/Toronto
Dec 16, 2005 Wide

:-o

Me:: we need to leave DC
this place is too provincial for us
Jason:: i am ashamed to admit that I live in the District
I might as well pack and move to NOVA
Me:: or Pluto
Jason:: shit! i might as well go back to Indinaa
Indiana
Me:: oh honey, I'd pick Pluto still
hahaha
Jason:: LMAO
oh the fucking humanity
Toronto?....WTF

Jokes aside. This is a catacylsm of tsunami proportions. @ 16:31

[wtf???] Jason and I were discussing showtime for Memoirs of a Geisha this weekend...

Jason:: oh.....no!
i just went to look at movie times for Saturday...and it's not listed at Regal
how can Memiors not play in Chinatown???

LOL! I know, right? What kind of silly Chinky-Jap centuries-old feud bullshit is this?? @ 16:21

[from 90° to 30°] I don't care how pretty the 3" snowfall on Monday night was. Or how actual snow would be highly coveted in the tropical heat of Singapore/Hong Kong trying to dress up their malls, streets, parks and squares for Christmas.

It is colder than a witch's tit in DC! Absolutely frigid. It was below freezing this morning when I was walking to the Metro. The windchill factor was 20°! Ridiculous. I about froze my little yellow nuts off. And the high today is 37°!! Grrr...

OK, it may have only been a 40° drop in temperature from our last stop in Asia - Hong Kong - but this cold is still plenty kwazy.

Not fetch! Why am I back? Oooh, more snow on Friday? Yay! @ 16:01

DEC 6 :: [a layover] Our overnight layover in Frankfurt was quite fun and restful. We did, eventually, try the Oxygen Bar thingie. 15 minutes at 1 euro/min (!). It was refreshing but unremarkable. The oxygen water tasted quite stank. I'd do it again but not at those prices.

We had breakfast at the airport as well. As with all things priced in euros, it was quite amazingl expensive. Oh, lemme tell ya about German airports - Frankfurt, Munich, Berlin.. they're all stank in the sense that they are extremely smokey! Designated smoking areas are not enclosed, and they are more pervasive than restrooms. It also seems like the entire country (continent?) smokes. And the smoke seeps into every single surface of the airport. There is almost no escape. After 10 minutes, I felt my eyes and throat burning. It was not a fetch sensation. Our only respite was the Red Carpet Club which was no smoking. I would've wheezed myself into a pneumonia if we had gone into one of the Lufthansa lounges.

Frankfurt Airport can also be described as a fortress. We had to clear three security checkpoints, and we must've shown our passport/boarding pass five times before getting to our departure gate. And none of that metal detector crap. Everyone was hand wanded and patted down (it was a looong and tedious process). They even went as far as to require the removal of ALL items in your pockets, plus they removed my shoes and patted my socks! Eww. What a stank job. I mean, I *know* my socks and feet are clean but I sure as hell would not want to touch anyone else's (even Tony's is suspect sometimes *giggle*). Anywho, they were also far friendlier/nicer and more efficient than the TSA guys. I definitely felt safer.

Ugh, North Atlantic flights are annoyingly turbulent. Anywho, we are just off Greenland and fast approaching Canada. I'm looking forward to sleeping in my bed for the first time in 18 days. Wanna take bets on what time I'll get up for work tomorrow? 6am? Does Metro even run at that hour? @ 16:57 Frankfurt/10:57 DC

[lh v sq v ua] We are on UA917 bound for home. Finally. We are somewhere over the North Atlantic just south of Iceland. 5 1/2 more hours to go. It's definitely time to be home.

And now, for some comparison analysis.

Service - Above all else, the single most defining and differing component of our First Class experiences on three separate airlines this trip - Lufthansa (LH), Singapore (SQ) and United (UA) - has been service. And the biggest component of said service has been the flight attendants. From the "right away, sir" Germans to the "we love you, we really love you" Singaporeans, we now have the Americans.

How do I describe the American flight attendants. Saying that they are definitely not known for their grace, elegance, youth, or beauty is a complete understatement. Whereas German FAs are efficient and pleasant, and Singaporean FAs (aka "Singapore Girl") are perfect in every sense of the word, American FAs in First Class are there because of seniority. The combined age of our two FAs on this flight (yes, only two for twelve passengers) is, oh I dunno, a thousand. And they both looked like they have eaten a Singapore Girl, each. Even the aisles in first class are not big enough for their double wides, as evident by them continually bumping my seat, water glass, etc. Yes, lots of junk in their trunks.

One thing for sure though, they are definitely not fake. Whereas some of the smiles and ridiculously good service on SQ/LH could be misconstrued as "forced" or "put on", the Americans are brutish, matter-of-fact and blunt about their service style. Addressing you by last name? You can fuggedaboutit. Making eye contact, saying "thank you"/"you're welcome" at every opportunity? Um, no they're not Asian. But really, they're not rude or anything. Just not fake.

The service on SQ has been, by far, the most pleasant and consistent of the three. LH's was a close second on the trans-Atlantic flight. United is, well, United. I fell ill (either too much rich food or just ate something untoward) during the last half of the SQ flight. I know, how untimely :( Our Singapore Girl transformed into a mother figure, offering me additional duvets (I already had two), pillows (four), and, without prompting, brought medication, soup and honey lemon tea to make me feel better.

Long story short, I missed dinner (sacrilege!) and I slept till landing. But A+ to SQ for effort. If anything, SQ made being sick on a plane quite pleasant, if that word can be used to describe illness of any sort at all. Not even throwing up (twice, ugh) marred the experience of luxuriating in SQ First.

Seat - Much to my surprise, LH's First Class seat won due to simplicity and the fact that the entire First Class cabin was in the upper deck. SQ's and UA's F cabin is in the very front of the plane on the lower deck, making unpleasantries such as horrendous landing gear sounds and bumpy takeoffs and landings, part of the First Class experience. SQ's seat is unnecessarily complicated although cabin ambience is tops. UA's seat is nice, but you really have no idea what you're missing until you've experienced SQ's down duvet, huge fluffy pillows and 14" LCD. Still, I am not complaining coz all I have to do is look over my left shoulder to realize that things could be SO much worse (those poor Business Class folks, LOL!).

But since all three airlines had lay-flat seats, I'm inclined to judge them all the same. When your seat reclines to the flatness of a bed, nothing else matters - especially on a long-haul flight. Trust.

Amenities - It's naptime on this flight. I probably won't, not just because this is a daylight flight, but also because they don't give out pyjamas on UA! Tragic. SQ wins hands down in this category - Givenchy PJs and Bvlgari toiletries. LH doled 'em out too. UA? Well, it's a joke. Crabtree & Evelyn toiletries? Puh-leeeeez. What kind of uncouth, lower-class, chain-loving, mall-going trash do you think we are? :-D

Connexion was nice, albeit slow. At least LH/SQ are deploying or have already deployed Connexion on most of their flights. UA? Well, you'll be lucky if they give you pillows that have foam in it.

Food - They all suck. Surprisingly, LH served better caviar than SQ did (not that I partook in any but I trust Tony's judgement). SQ served far better champagne (hello, Dom) than LH. And although SQ had more imaginative food (main course by Gordon Ramsay!), the execution of the food on both SQ/LH remained inversely proportional to the distance of the food from the restaurant kitchen where it was made. Airline food just cannot be made to taste fantastic. But it could also be hopelessly mediocre like the cheap champagne/wine selection, zero caviar, and lack of food choices on UA. The difference is bigger than the oceans separating the continents.

I'd say SQ and LH is as close to the top of the list when it comes to food, as UA is as close to the bottom of it. There is simply no comparison or competition.

Regardless, I can tell you right now very emphatically and without a doubt: *Please*, no more 5-, 7- or 9- course dinners, especially on airplanes. I think I'm done eating for the next two weeks.. at least! Giggle. I'm *so* ready to go back to home-cooked food. By my very own personal chef, of course.. Tony! ;-) 16:13 Frankfurt/10:13 DC

[german efficiency] If Germany is legendary for its ruthless efficiency, then Frankfurt Airport airport has got to be its temple. We landed at 8:10pm last night from Singapore and, swear to God, were checked in to our hotel and cuddling in bed by 9pm. No joke. It helped that we were the first off the plane. Immigration was a breeze. The walk to immigration took forever though; Frankfurt Airport is HUGE. Plus we got lost, LOL! Our bags were the first to come out (rightfully so) and were spit out as we approached the conveyor belt. We got lost finding our hotel and had a slight mix-up at check-in (they gave us a room without high-speed internet access, the horrors), but even with all that, I am still marvelling at how quickly we got out of the airport. Less than an hour! Off an international flight! That's hard to beat.

We are currently in the Sheraton Frankfurt, across the street - literally, a 3 minute walk - from the airport terminal. As far as airport hotels go, this has got to be one of the best, and definitively the most convenient. The outside looks drab (as with most things in Germany) but the interior can only be described as Nordic chic. Simple, functional, geometrically pleasing and beautiful lines, combine with light wood and minimalist lighting to provide a very modern look, which I far prefer to the dowdiness of hotels such as the Peninsula in HK which insists on upholstering every square feet of the hotel. The room is very comfortable and though the bathroom is a tad spartan compared to the hotels we've been in this trip (what, no ocean view? :-D), I actually really like this hotel believe it or not.

They even have an Oxygen Bar downstairs! And a teaser can in the room. I've never tried one before... Do I need more oxygen? @ 06:58 Frankfurt

[timezone limbo] It's just past midnight in DC right now, 6am in Frankfurt where I am at this current moment, and 1pm in Hong Kong where I was yesterday. Should I be sleeping? In DC, I would be. Or should I wake up? In Asia, I'd be way up by now. Ugh.

I did go to bed at 10:30pm Frankfurt time last night so I'm pretty contented with my almost 8 hours sleep. I guess it'll just be another few more days before I adjust to DC time. Our flight home is in 6 hours. I'm quite looking forward to it. Not the coming home part, but the First Class part :) @ 06:32 Frankfurt

DEC 5 :: [row 3, seats C&D] Looking out the left/west side of the aircraft, the spectacular setting sun is casting its beautiful spectrum of rays across a cloudless sky (well, the sky is always cloudless at 35,000ft). And below the most orangest of hues in the horizon, snow-capped peaks crown a wintery and rugged terrain on both sides of the aircraft. The scenery outside the window (the mountain chains on the right join up to the Himalayas) would be amazingly beautiful...

If not for the fact that we are flying over Afghanistan. I know, sad. We will be skirting around Iran soon (for good reason!), and flying over a huge bulk of Russia, en route to Frankfurt via Eastern/Central Europe. There are 6 more hours to this flight.. and I am dreading the end of it.

We are on our first First Class experience on Singapore Airlines - SQ326 from Singapore to Frankfurt. There are 12 seats in First Class; 3 on each window side, plus two single seats and two twin seats in the middle. And we have ALL of them. LOL! Yes, we are the only two First Class passengers on this flight today and it's totally fetch (and slightly weird) to have the attention of all three flight attendants to yourself! We had a, ahem, "light" supper upon departure which basically lasted for 3+ hours from Singapore till the coastline of India. And then we slept till Afghanistan - about 3 hours. It's kinda hard to sleep some more, regardless of how plush the down-covered lie-flat seat is, when your body clock is telling you that it is the middle of the day.

Having the entire First Class cabin to yourself means shenanigans like doing laps after the "light" supper, having control of ALL the window shades (14 on each side?), stowing your luggage and other crap in the Other seats, moving from seat to seat just for the heck of it, and taking lots of pictures with silly poses not because we haven't been on a plane before but because it is insanely plush in this front section of this jumbo jet (that doesn't have Connexion btw, stank).

Oh. Mi. Beyonce. I mean, I have *seen* (more like glanced as I strolled by) First Class on Singapore Airlines before and I almost know the details by hard from reading their website, but actually sitting in one of these seats is one big Dalai Lama moment. Absolutely divine. I won't bother you with the Connolly leather, lie-flat, 14" LCD, sliding table, huge fluffy pillows (they gave me 4, fetch! Hi my name is Kiat and I'm a pillow whore), down duvet, etc. details. Or the fact that there are two bathrooms which means we never have to wait to use 'em.

But you Must hear about the amenity kit. First, there're the Givenchy pyjamas. OK, it's not quite as glam as LV or Gucci but it's still French and still quite haute. The toiletry set is Bvlgari *squeal*, complete with a Large bottle of Blv *double squeal*. I almost came when I saw it in the kit. Fierce!! And did I mention the yellow ear plugs? LOL!

I won't even talk about the service, or do it justice by comparing it to Lufthansa. Once you go Asian... I'm almost afraid to drink the glass of water because they top it up everytime you take even a small sip out of it! It's like they're hovering and watching your every move. My glass, whether it be champagne or wine or just water, has not been empty since I came onboard. Speaking of champagne, Singapore Airlines is pouring '98 Dom and Krug which is somewhat (OK, a *lot*) more generous than Lufthansa. The food has been great so far - yummy avocado crab cake, delish chicken/morel with rice thingie, bread with truffle oil, etc. - but the real enchilada comes prior to landing i.e. the full dinner. Let's just say it's an orgy of food. You'll get the full monty when I'm done eating it, I'm sure.

I do have my gripes though (it wouldn't be Kiat without at least one). The seat, like its inferior red-headed SpaceBed sibling, is impossible to adjust and, like a bad convertible top, takes forever to convert from seat to bed. Lufthansa's is almost better in some sense, converting from upright to flat in Porsche time. Not having Connexion - after being spoilt by having it from DC all the way to Singapore - is quite annoying. And the flight schedule - departing at 2:35pm from Singapore and arriving at 8:40pm into Frankfurt - is totally weird and necessitates an overnight in Frankfurt before our United flight to DC. But it's all very petty and bitchy, like so very amateur and high school. Really, Nothing could go wrong at this point. It's almost hard to imagine a better or more unforgettable flight.

Well, actually I can. How about a double bed in a lockable room *evil grin*, or in-flight massages? Yea, baby. @ 18:33 Somewhere over Afghanistan

[last call in asia] We are now waiting for our much anticipated Singapore Airlines flight in First Class to Frankfurt, at the Silver Kris First Class lounge in Singapore's Changi Airport. Again. The lunch buffet in here is stank. This lounge is nothing compared to the Lufthansa First Class Terminal (FCT) in Frankfurt which we will not have the pleasure of transiting through again on the way back to DC *pout*. For some bizarre and insane reason, I decided to book us on United for our final leg back to DC from Frankfurt. Coming off First Class in Singapore Airlines, I think I will throw up upon boarding the UA flight. Ugh. Anywho, since we're flying UA, no FCT for us *double pout*.

This will probably be my last post from Asia. Yes, it's so sad. I love being in Asia so much that going back to DC seems like hardship, especially since they're anticipating a winter storm in DC on Monday night (ugh, what if they don't clear the airport runways in time for our flight arrival on Tuesday??). I am super dreading the thought of arriving in (literally) freezing temperatures on Tuesday late afternoon, especially since it's 82° in Singapore right now (oh alright, the humidity is 84% but I'll take that over the cold any day!). Well, I'll try and write more if there's Connexion on our SIN-FRA flight but I highly doubt it. I'll probably write (it is a 13+ hour flight after all), but won't post till I get to Frankfurt.

Anyway, one last farewell to Asia. This Asian, at least, is checking out of Asia. My yellow ass is flying back to the States. Sigh. Before I forget, many, many, Many thanks to Anusha/Jayz, Ann, Danielle and Su Ann for helping make this trip a superbly memorable and fun-filled one for me and Tony. Would not have been the same without you guys. I promise I'll respond to all your e-mails once I get back to DC.

Till we meet again, Asia! Watch out, bitches. Typhoon Kiat will be sweeping across Asia for Chinese New Year in 6+ weeks ;-) @ 12:58 Singapore

[hong kong nights] Hong Kong We arrived Saturday afternoon to a very busy weekend in Hong Kong. It was a breeze to get to Kowloon station (Airport Express.. fetch!) but the traffic towards our hotel was a nightmare. When we got to the venerable Peninsula, the lobby looked like a zoo - tourists milling about everywhere snapping pictures of everything, and lines for the ultra-famous afternoon tea at the Pen were criminal. We had a boo-boo during check-in (which you'll read about later) which meant when we finally got in our room, it was 3 hours later. Groan.

We wandered through the new Avenue of Stars (à la Hollywood Walk of Fame) at the tip of Tsim Sha Tsui - though at the rate HK is reclaiming the harbor, the tip might "move" in a few years - which was quite cool with all these famous HK actors and a statue of Bruce Lee, who I'm blase about. We took the 25-cent (no, really) ride across the harbor on the Star Ferry to Central and walked around before taking the subway back to the hotel to meet Su Ann. A word about Hong Kong (and Singapore) at Christmas time. Although there is no reason for Asians to celebrate Christmas, it is celebrated with a gusto in most Asian cities. Why? Shopping malls would use any excuse to lure shoppers to their stores. And hotels are all for celebrating the peak tourist arrivals season from wintery North America and Europe.

Central looked like a huge Christmas tree (at 75ft, quite literally) had exploded all over it. And so did Santa. And a huge friggin' snow globe, complete with faux snow and icicles. Ridiculous, tacky, OTT.. and the Asians absolutely loved it. Same thing in Singapore. Orchard Road looked like the longest string of Christmas lights ever. And to top of this most commercial of holidays in Asia devoid of any religious overtones, they even called it "Winterfest" in HK! LOL!! It was 77° outside. The Peninsula had multiple Christmas trees, wreaths and garlands Everywhere, and huge lighted stars suspended over the 6-storey high courtyard. It was quite insane.

Anywho, we met Su Ann for drinks at Aqua and then dinner at Hutong. I had my first Cosmo in 2+ weeks at Aqua-Spirit, thank Beyonce. It tasted oh-so-good. Dinner at Hutong was very, very good as well (a delicious tofu dish and a yummy whole fish!). But the one thing that stuck to my mind was how exorbitantly expensive both places were. They were basically charging for the view, and from the 28th and 29th floors of One Peking Road, the views of the spectacular HK skyline were postcard-perfect. If it weren't for the complimentary aperitifs and champagne during dinner (long story but let's just say they made us wait an hour for our table, and we had reservations!), I think I would've had a coronary to go with the bill.

Oh I almost forgot. During dinner, we were treated to a laser light ("A Symphony of Lights") show shooting off the tops of the skyscrapers on HK island, plus brilliant light displays on the buildings themselves. The whole production was quite tourist-tacky, but seeing the whole skyline lit up like a Christmas tree, and synchronizing their lights and colors to music is quite cool.

Oh OK, it was *really* cool. The whole Christmas thingie and the light show.. quite fun.

After dinner, Tony crashed. Su Ann and I went to Rice Bar *gasp* in Sheung Wan. Giggle. Tony missed out coz that place was crawling with Asian boys. It was also incredibly cozy and packed. Su Ann and I found our little corner and, in a continuation of our dinner conversation, giggled unendingly and nostalgically about our college and post-college years (exploits, more like).

OK, we're preparing to land. Time to power down. More about our last full day in Asia.. next! @ 10:55 South China Sea

[supercity] Hong Kong is one of the world's supercities. Undoubtedly. Hong Kong, together with New York City and Sydney, has one of the most instantly recognizable and beautiful urban skylines on the planet. I find myself never tiring of looking across Victoria Harbour to the glittering and impossibly concentrated skyscrapers of Hong Kong. Hong Kong may not be as vertical as Manhattan but the sliver of skyscrapers along the waterfront, like a meandering dragon along the coastline - crowned by magnificent architectural wonders such as the Bank of China, HSBC, the IFC and the Convention Centre - framed by the backdrop of The Peak, provides a stunning and dramatic vista, day or night, of mountain, city and sea. The Hong Kong skyline definitely kicks Manhattan's butt, hard. Together with the skyscrapers crawling up to the top of the Peak, startlingly perched on the mountainside in steel and glass, and lemme tell ya, you must see Hong Kong at least once in your lifetime to believe how 7mn Chinese have turned this former British Colony into one of the world's supercities.

As with all supercities, the array of stuff to do, see, buy, eat in Hong Kong is mind-boggling. You can never do it all and thankfully I think I've reached a point in my life where I don't feel the need to do it all anymore. I know, how un-Asian ;-) I know I'll be back, as I have, and some things, like spending time with friends and family, are just way more important than "doing it all". It felt bizarre not going up to The Peak, or doing anything touristy, but I was perfectly contented with allocating most of my trip to see Su Ann.

She, by the way, has a super-phat 3-bedroom apartment in mega-expensive Happy Valley, with a view of the Hong Kong skyline that rivals the view from The Peak! That bitch :)

I can see how easily some people tire of Hong Kong. The sheer crush of humanity is stifling to say the least. You cannot imagine how dense and crowded Hong Kong is (not in the same way as Kolkata, but you can definitely see how SARS spread so easily and violently here) until you've been there, and walked down the streets of Kowloon or Central, or descended into the cavernous but still super-crowded subway stations, or entered one of the bazillion shopping malls. There is no escape, unless you stay in your hotel room with a view of Hong Kong (like we did) or have a 3-bedroom apartment in Happy Valley (like Su Ann).

Hong Kong is a human anthill. Someone is always in your way, and you're never in a public area alone. Walking is almost a chore because it takes forever to negotiate your way through crowds on the sidewalks. And the crowds are Everywhere. Even on the waterfront promenade, you are shoulder-to-shoulder with your fellow humans (mostly mainland Chinese). Shopping is so much fun in Hong Kong (though shockingly expensive) but it is quite the nightmare. People in aisles, all of 'em. Queues for everything. Sometimes it just seems like all of Hong Kong is out shopping. And as with all supercities, Hong Kong has a phenomenal public transportation system, capable of moving millions underground (MTR) and above ground (super cheap taxis), as well as across the harbor (the Star Ferry!). Alas, if you thought the crowds were bad on the streets...

You really have to witness the millions of people on the move on any given day in this most modern and Chinese of the world's supercities to understand that Hong Kong can be tiring, but never tired. I will always come back, coz I love Hong Kong! @ 10:16 South China Sea

[too short] Have you ever boarded a flight and thought, "damn, this flight is way too short"? Well, when you are in the upper deck (Raffles/Business Class) on one of Singapore Airlines' Megatops (OK bitches, stop laughing.. Megatop = 747-400), luxuriating in one of their lay-flat SpaceBeds, a 3h 50m flight from Hong Kong to Singapore seems WAY too short. Especially when you consider that there are 60 movie channels onboard, plus 106 TV programmes (incl. Desperate Housewives *squeal*, Sex and the City *double squeal*, Will & Grace, CSI, etc.), 12 audio channels, a selection of 225 CDs, and 91 games, some of which are multi-player (!!). And the best part? The entire in-flight entertainment system is interactive i.e. you can pause, play, rewind, or fast-forward whenever. Super fetch.

Add to that the countless free newspapers/magazines, and a breakfast service moments away that I feel will rock my tastebuds (I'm getting a scallop noodle soup and Tony's getting dim sum), and I just wish this flight would last longer. Ooh, did I mention we're on flight SQ 1? Flight number 1! How cool.

Ohmisuperfetchbeyonce, they just announced there's Connexion (sky-fi) on this flight! I think if I squeal anymore, I'm gonna suck all the air out of this upper deck and turn this plane into a vacuum. Now what do I do? Movie? TV? Read? Sleep? Eat? Jump online?? With all there is to do, there is barely anytime to sleep, which is a shame coz the SpaceBed is sooooo comfy. Tony's worse than me. He's actually surfing the net, watching a movie, eating AND drinking at the same time, LOL!

And with that, I'm gonna put the laptop away, recline my SpaceBed to the lay-flat position and *yawn*... but first, food! *giggle* @ 08:39 South China Sea

DEC 4 :: [<>] Good morning from Hong Kong. We are at the Peninsula. As with the Pen in BKK, broadband internet is free and everything in the room is controlled by an electronic panel.

There are two buttons under "Curtains" on this bedside electronic panel; "><" and "<>". We woke up at 9:30 this morning, pressed the <> button and.. well, I just had to spend a little time putting these images up just so that you too can wake up to what we woke up to this morning. Warning: These images are gasp- and squeal- inducing and may not be suitable for the faint of heart, or young children.

Hong Kong harbor 1
Hong Kong harbor 2

This is too fucking cool. @ 09:50 Hong Kong

DEC 3 :: [once you go asian..] ..you'll never go Caucasian, especially with spas and masseuses. Asian spas are fantabulous. And yesterday's sessions were awesome. We shared a spa villa complete with a couple's massage table overlooking the ocean and a bathroom/locker/changing area on the top level. We started our session downstairs where there are chaise lounges and a shower overlooking a bathtub that was steps away from the waves lapping on the beach. Magic.

Our 30-minute "floral bath" had hundreds of red rose petals floating on the surface of hot, steaming milky water. I have no idea what was in the water but it made my skin feel like the day I was born. We also had a bottle of champagne and as we sat there, submerged in a bathtub full of love potion, toasting our good fortune with bubbly, the cares of life seemed like a million miles away. It was an embarassment of luxury but I loved every single minute of it.

Did I mention they gave us a full bottle of champagne? Well, we couldn't possibly finish it between the two of us. Um, you definitely don't want to go to spa sessions drunk or needing to pee every 10 minutes especially when your face and body is all masked, caked, or wrapped up. Anywho, we drank some of it, and then we proceeded to monkey around with the rest. We tried "showering" in champagne until we realized that the ice-cold champagne did not feel so fetch on parts of our body besides fingers and toes, and even then it was cold enough to be biting. We tried drinking it off parts of our body but I am gonna keep this PG-13 by censoring most of what else we did with it (use your imagination). Let's just say it tastes funny coming off.. well, you know.

We tried using it as shampoo. LOL! And then we drank from the bottle like the drunks that we had become by the end of the floral bath. We did everything with the champagne save for pouring it in the bathtub (we thought that would be a waste) or using it for colonics :-o When the masseuse came to get us, she asked us if we wanted to take the remaining champagne back to the room with us at which point we both looked at her and said "what champagne?". Let's just say she was quite shocked and amused.

We had a 40-minute "Gentleman's Facial" and a 30-minute Revitalizing Eye Combo each, simultaneously. The facial, like all facials, was boring. Wrap the head up, put some funky, cakey, muddy stuff on the face, dap it with warm towels, blah blah blah. This shit's for women. The scalp and neck massage was fun. The Eye thingie was quite weird initially. They put a mask over our eye area which quickly became uncomfortable for me coz I needed to pee desperately. Anywho, long story short, the Revitalizing Eye Combo actually works. All the puffiness under my eyes disappeared by the end of the session. It was quite miraculous. I've been trying desperately (well, if you call Aveda, Clarins and Shiseido desperate) to get rid of them and one session of this Eye thingie and it was all gone. My eyes look awake and, as Jason/Rick would call it, surprised - big and rejuvenated. Quite amazing. Who knew that all it took was a spa session? I need me more of those...

A Thai dinner followed, before we ended our evening with 80-minute massages. Instead of dainty, demure, subservient little Thai girls with lovely fingers and strong hands, I got a big white girl to do my massage. I'm sorry, I didn't fly 10,000mi to be massaged by impatient, rough, white hands. Once you go Asian...

Oh, and did I mention the entire 3-hour spa session per person was free? @ 11:52 South China Sea

[somewhere over the south china sea] We are on Bangkok Airways flight PG298 this morning, en route to Hong Kong via the Gulf of Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and the South China Sea. The weather in Hong Kong is currently 75°F according to the captain. Fetch. Hong Kong is our last stop in Asia. We'll be visiting Su-Ann for 2 nights before coming home.

We left Samui this morning just as we had arrived, under a cloudy sky accompanied by occasional light drizzle and moderate rainfall. Last night as we were headed off to bed, the skies ripped open and it rained like I had never seen it rain before. The monsoon rains were coming down in buckets sideways, together with deafening and villa-shaking thunder plus blinding lightning that was heart-stoppingly too close for comfort. The winds lashed our villa and it sounded almost like a hurricane, though I have no idea since I haven't been in one.

So we ended up not leaving the compounds of our resort at all. In fact, we barely left our villa. Fetch. Samui was fetch.. I think. The weather was stank but oh well, what can you do.

Anywho, they just brought out lunch. Some fish curry thingie. We only just had breakfast three hours ago (not one, but two bowls of noodle soup, and some dim sum). Please stop feeding me! @ 10:25 Samui/11:25 Hong Kong

DEC 2 :: [bangkok stank-ways] All our flights between Bangkok - Luang Prabang - Bangkok - Samui - Hong Kong are on Bangkok Airways, otherwise known as Asia's boutique airline. The only thing boutique about Bangkok Airways are the prices; $80 per leg and that's the discount fare, compared to $10-$25 on Thai AirAsia and other discount airlines. True you don't get food on Thai AirAsia but Bangkok Airways serves you cold cuts. I've already have three exact same meals with cold cuts, OJ, water, pineapple tart, etc. and I cannot fathom the thought of one more on our 3-hour flight (please kill me now) to Hong Kong tomorrow. And there really is nothing boutique about all-coach class planes. Stank.

Bangkok Airways gets away with murder coz they own monopoly rights on many of their routes. In fact, they also own Samui's airport - which is a stank little place - and they've barred other airlines from plying the BKK-Samui route. Good God. It's borderline absurd. Anywho, Samui airport is a series of thatched huts. Cool concept? Kinda reminds you of the airport in Kona, Hawai'i? Hah.. Samui airport has no baggage conveyor. Luggage is pretty much delivered by hand (eww). Immigration is a joke and security, well, let's just say "what security?". And you don't even get lei'd when you land!! No, it's nothing like Hawai'i. Monopolies are evil.

Speaking of immigration, we had a weird experience on Bangkok Airways. We basically left Laos and landed in the international terminal in Bangkok, and instead of going through immigration and then transferring to our domestic flight to Samui, we were bused to our flight directly and cleared immigration in Samui instead. Well, most of the plane did not have to clear immigration - they boarded at Bangkok and BKK-USM is a domestic flight - so how did they identify those of us that needed to? By a little red sticker on our shirt. No red sticker, no need to pass through immigration in Samui. Yup, you could've entered the country illegally and the authorities would not have been able to track you simply by removing that red sticker. Crazy huh? This "honor" system would never fly in the States.

Thailand is so fun.

Tomorrow's Samui-Hong Kong flight will be the last time we have to ride in coach. Our homebound Hong Kong - Singapore - Frankfurt - DC flights are all in First Class, except for the HKG-SIN leg which will be in Raffles/Business. Yay!! I'm *so* looking forward to my first ever experience in First Class on Singapore Airlines on Monday. I'm so done with coach.

OK, it's a quarter to 3. Just got done with lunch, time for complimentary tea at Drinks on the Hill! Have I stopped eating since I got to Asia? @ 14:48 Samui

[monsoon season] It is almost ridiculous how much it can rain during the monsoon season here in the tropics. Aside from a short 3 hour or so window this morning when the sun came out for very brief periods, it has been raining continuously. Not a heavy downpour (although it does do that occasionally) and not a London drizzle either. It's somewhere in 'tween.

So where were we before I got pre-occupied with lunch.. outdoors.. overlooking the infinity pool and the ocean :-D Oh right, so we crashed after dinner and awoke this morning to the ocean at our feet (note to self: next house must have glass walls in bedroom that look out into the ocean, or a pool, or some body of water). We trudged up (literally.. this whole place is hilly) to Dining on the Hill where the buffet breakfast was set up. Have I mentioned how much I love buffet breakfasts in Asia? They have noodle soups for breakfast! Fetch. The restaurant itself is open-air and surrounds an infinity pool (are you catching the theme here?) on one side. On the other is a view of the ocean with islands dotting the background. I know, sucks doesn't it?

Anywho, after breakfast we walked around the grounds a little, checking out the absolutely stunning infinity swimming pool (you must see the pictures) and the other villas in the compound. And we've been lazing in and out of our own pool, the sala, the bathtub, and the outdoor rainforest shower since (with lots of romance in between, d'uh). Not a bad life, huh?

Have I mentioned how effortlessly this resort blends into the environment? There are trees, Everywhere (bug spray is your best friend). Nature is primo here, and almost all building materials are natural, with wood and bamboo featuring prominently throughout the resort. The effect is somewhat rustic, but there is nothing rustic about the amenities and the contemporary decor. Have I mentioned the rainforest shower? And the infinity pool?? :-D

A few nice touches. Drinking water is infinitely free, a good thing on an island with precious few fresh water supplies. Laundry is complimentary, and had I known I wouldn't have spent a staggeringly overpriced sum of $80 (!!) on laundry in Laos. We have our own personal butler - Pui - who greeted us at breakfast this morning and offered to take care of almost everything, except for cutting up our food and feeding us. It really is the little things that set resorts apart - between hopelessly mediocre, and groundbreaking experiences.

Our package also includes a 3-hour spa session per person which we are taking advantage of later this evening. Will tell you more about it later but in a gist, we have a bath followed by a facial/eye thing before dinner. And then an 80-minute massage after dinner before we head to bed early in preparation for tomorrow's early start.

So far, this Evason experience has been on par with our transcending stay at the Four Seasons in Chiang Mai a little under two years ago. The service at the FS|CM was somewhat better (every staff member knew you by name after 12 hours) but everything else is competitive. The villa here is head and shoulders better, for sure. I cannot tell you how much I love this place! I'm already dreaming of coming back.

And if you ask me what Samui is like, I couldn't tell you coz we haven't left the resort (and won't) since we got here! Why leave when you have your own pool in your own villa. Hot! @ 14:31 Samui

[this is it] This serves as a notice that I'm leaving Washington, DC. I have found where I want to live and I want to live here forever. Bye, guys.

Giggle. OK, that may be an exaggeration. I am typing this while sitting on a daybed, under our very own "sala", or Thai pavilion. In front of me is a 6ft x 8ft infinity pool. Our very own. To my left is our villa. Let's just say it's enormous. Looking left, I see a sunken bathtub, the huge bathroom and towards the back, an outdoor rainforest shower (water coming down from the top, like rain). Looking right, well, blue ocean water as far as the eye can see. We have our very own chaise lounges, outdoor dining area and we are about to have lunch in our sala. The bed, the bathtub, the infinity pool and the sala, all face the Gulf of Thailand and the Pacific Ocean beyond. The villa itself is wrapped on all four sides by sliding glass doors, that can be thrown open to create a tent-like atmosphere in the villa; the breeze coming in from the ocean sweeping through the villa like you're on a boat. I don't know if it gets better than this.

The rain adds a magical effect to where I am right now. The tiny droplets causing the water in my infinity pool to ripple, the pitter-patter of raindrops on the thatched roof above me, and the sounds of the waves crashing just a few feet below me, all contribute to the feeling of paradise.

Yes, paradise has a name and it is the Sila Evason Hideaway in Koh (Island) Samui in the South of Thailand. It's the monsoon season now and consequently, it's been raining since we got here last night, and it probably won't let up until we leave tomorrow morning. No matter. Nothing could kill the "happily ever after" romance of this place, a collection of 66 villas perched on the hillsides - all of which have sweeping views of the ocean - of the north-eastern tip of Samui. I cannot begin to tell you what a dream this place is. This resort is beyond fetch.

Through a crime of scheduling, we arrived here last night at 8pm and we depart tomorrow morning at 7am; barely 36 hours in paradise. If only I had known. Regardless, we arrived last night to a villa set aglow like candlelights, with what must be a hundred dimmable lights, plus a pool lit from underwater. I gasped. As part of our package, we dined for free at the Asian fusion restaurant called Dining on the Rocks. We each had a daybed, facing each other and a table between us, and we practically lounged through dinner - which was spectacular, btw. It wasn't until daylight this morning when we realized that the restaurant is a series of multi-level terraces (which were closed in the rain last night), fanning out from the cliffs, impossibly suspended over huge rocks that form part of the Samui coastline. Only pictures can do this place justice.

Ohmibeyonce, lunch just got here and it looks absolutely delicious. Two minions brought it in a huge multi-level basket containing the cutlery, the food and miscellaneous sauces and stuff. They set it up on the daybed in the sala. Fantastic. And here's to Nicole - I'm having Kee Mao! @ 13:44 Samui

DEC 1 :: [maison stank-vannaphoum] So knowing how far a dollar goes, you would think they'd be worshipping the ground that I walk on for the $340/nt we paid for a suite at the Maison Souvannaphoum. Um, no. The hotel was luxurious - 22 rooms/suites in two buildings, one of which used to be the Prince's palace. We were in the Champa Suite which was the Princess' bedroom (how appropriate *grin*). The grounds, the pool, the restaurant, the decor were all very luxurious and well-kept. The spa was stunning - wind-swept outdoor pavilions wrapped by billowing curtains, surrounding a lovely pond. No complaints there.

But so many little things went wrong, which shouldn't have gone wrong for the 10+ *million* kip (I know, right??) that we spent there for two nights. First off, and most an